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8 Reasons Not To Seek Out ‘Mom Friends’

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5. One day you will get into an epic fight about your parenting

mushroom cloud

These annoyances are usually small but erode a friendship over time. It starts with something very minute, like how your friend always lets her daughter interrupt your conversations and doesn’t bother correcting her. Or always buys her a toy when she starts whining in the checkout line. Or who admits to doing her homework on occasion. Fast forward a few years and your mommy friend’s daughter is an entitled princess who talks back when you tell her to buckle her seat belt. All of a sudden you’re on your cell phone ranting about all those cataloged parenting faults from years before and it’s no wonder little Quinoa turned out that way and oh, shit, she just hung up on you.

(photo:  omegarobot)

6. At some point, they’ll probably want you to confirm their parenting choices

belly rub dog

Parenting in America is very insecure business. Because we don’t have things like proper maternity leave, paternity leave or affordable childcare in our country, that leaves a lot of different variables for how people are going to effectively swing parenthood, especially early parenthood. This breeds infectious insecurity among mothers and fathers. With so much anxiety surrounding how we raise our children, there is often the need to prove that you’re doing it the “right” way, a concept that is effectively challenged when your neighbor decides that being a SAHM is best for her while you’re hitting up the daycare 20 hours a week. This is the root of every mommy wars BS daytime talk show segment ever, which also unfortunately trickles down into interpersonal parenting circles. Of course many parents seek out mothers and fathers who share their own “experience” of parenthood, whether that be working motherhood, being a SAHD, SAHM, or a part-time worker. But they’re also seeking out others to constantly affirm their own decisions in their path to raise humans. And your own hypothetical mommy friends are no exception.

(photo: Tobyotter)

7. They will most likely start giving you crappy marriage/partnership advice

JESSE TYLER FERGUSON, ERIC STONESTREET

If your marriage starts going south, or rather teetering towards the South Pole, really the last people you want to be reaching out to are the playground mommies who already think you’re better than them because you show up in work clothes. While your childless or older mom friends may not appear sensitive — or even knowledgeable — on the impacts a new baby can have on a partnership, your new-found mom friends are probably not the gold standard of knowledge either. They’re most likely weathering the same storm of changes and can only offer up their own stories of near D word drama. That can be comforting, but it’s certainly not innately helpful. If you can afford it, seek out a therapist or a counselor. The nice lady with the red-headed twins is an expert in finance and perhaps her own marriage. Realistically, she doesn’t know anything about yours.

(photo:  LZ Creations)

8. They will deem themselves know-it-alls on your uterus

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Hang out with the same group of mommies every Friday for 24 months and all of sudden they’ll be discouraging you for going for that third coveted baby. Why? Well, because one of them had a friend who had a friend who tried for a baby at your age and she had three miscarriages and eventually a baby with Downs. HELPFUL. Seriously, save these conversations for you and your doctor and your partner. Swapping conception and fertility stories with the mommy group is all good and fun but they aren’t anymore an authority on your own body than the mailman is. Just smile. Nod. And remind yourself that this is just a playgroup. It’s just a playgroup. It’s just a playgroup.

(photo: hissyfitoly)

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