being a mom
7 Things Nobody Tells You About Miscarriage
When I had a miscarriage at nine weeks, I was devastated. But I was also TOTALLYÂ WEIRDED OUT.
Whatâ€™s that?Â You want me to take a pregnancy test to confirm the miscarriage?Â Sure, why notÂ throw a little salt into the wound of the grieving lady! And hey, whatâ€™s that word you keep throwing around to describe the baby I lost? â€œProducts of conceptionâ€?Â Worst. Clinical. Term. Ever. Â
With that in mind, here a few things things nobody tells you about miscarriage thatÂ I wish Iâ€™d known to expect when I headed into miscarriage-twilight-land.
1.Â Chubby McChubbykins
You will suddenly beÂ Chubby McChubbykinsÂ and have no clothes to wear andÂ hell noÂ you arenâ€™t putting on those maternity pants.
2. You might find yourselfÂ literallyÂ walking around Target while having a miscarriage.
Congratulations for surviving the most awkward Target run ever.
It turns out that if you donâ€™t have a medical procedureÂ you will experience the worldâ€™s longest, saddest period. Expelling the products of conceptionÂ isÂ process, not a single event. So,Â you just might findÂ yourself in Target, trying toÂ determineÂ the cheapest paper towels thatÂ retain that handy perforation feature, and it will hit you:Â Hello fellow shoppers, I am standing in Target while having a miscarriage. You might shed some tears. And then laugh at the absurdity of it all.Â Keep moving folks. Nothing to see here. Just a lady losing her mind.Â
3. You have to take a freaking pregnancy test.Â
Is this real life?Â You have to take a pregnancy test to confirm that you are no longer pregnant. AS IF YOU DONâ€™T ALREADY KNOW.Â This is officially the worst pregnancy test you have ever taken.
4. You canâ€™t have sex for a while because you have to make sure yourÂ cervix is freaking closed.
Trust me, this wonâ€™t be a problem. YouÂ wonâ€™t be ready for a trip toÂ funky townÂ for a while.Â I think Iâ€™ll just hole up on the couch with some knitting, thank-you-very-much. Â If there was ever a good time to wear your Snuggie, it would be now.
5. Your partnerÂ will be ready for a trip toÂ funky townÂ wayÂ before you are. This one wrote itself, didnâ€™t it?
Iâ€™m gonna have to pass.Â Plus, my cervix isnâ€™t closed yet! (WTF)
Â 6. You will be sadder than you expect for longer than you expect.
But I promise, you willÂ be OK.Â Take all the hugs you can get.
7. Youâ€™ll get by with a little help from your friends.Â Â
I was blown away by the outpouring of love from family and friends.Â I ended up having a beautiful and intimate conversation with my mother-in-law about her own miscarriage nearly thirty-five years ago.Â And then I received a beautiful gift from a dear friend whoÂ sent me a small statueÂ of Jizo, theÂ Buddhist patron saintÂ whoÂ guards and protects the unborn, miscarried, aborted, or stillborn.Â Sniff, I think I have something in my eye.Â
Know what else? Itâ€™s tradition for grievers toÂ knit a little sweater for their Jizo statue. Yep, you heard me right. Time to put on that snuggie, eat some cheese and get to work knittingâ€”and healing.
Sending love and understanding to all of you who have also been touched by miscarriage — it’s a shitty club to be a part of.
(Image: iStock /Â Rawpixel Ltd)