7 Things That Are More Fun Than Dealing With A Teething Infant

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My son is teething right now and there is no reprieve from the madness. The tantrums are fierce and unpredictable, the eating is slow and frustrating, the neighborhood is possibly going to come at our front door with pitchforks if the midnight screaming doesn’t cease, and I’m pretty sure the bags under my eyes are almost bigger than my boobs.

We all know those teething necklaces are a load of crap and I don’t feel comfortable pumping my son full of too many pain meds, so there isn’t much to do except give him a bunch of stuff to chew on and hope for the best. That means long nights of him waking at the slightest noise and buckets upon buckets of drool. He doesn’t really want to do anything except slobber on things, cuddle, and cry. I appreciate the cuddles, but I am downright exhausted. My husband and I were fantasizing the other night about sleeping together and we were talking about actual sleep, not sexy times. That’s how bad it is.

Teething makes me question everything about the supposed wisdom of nature. I mean, how did our ancient ancestors not abandon their babies and throw themselves to the saber-toothed tigers the second this whole process started? Newborns with teeth might seem sort of creepy, but they’d be way better than going through this process over and over again for two to three years per kid. Teething is exhausting, maddening, painful for the poor babies, and it makes lots of other shitty things look downright awesome. Here are seven things that are more fun than dealing with a teething infant:

1. Pointless, repetitive paperwork


Doctor’s office intake forms, unnecessary job applications, warranties, random surveys — it doesn’t really matter. Just give it to me. What about taxes? Taxes could be fun.

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