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19 Kids And Counting: In Which Jill Has A Mansion And Jessa Has Mold

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They’re baaaack! That’s right, our favorite fundie family to hate on had their season premiere last night and BOY, is there a lot to talk about. Jill is married, Jessa is engaged and Jim Bob is still creepy as all get out. Everything has changed and nothing has changed-it’s Duggar Equilibrium (Duggarlibrium?) Anyway, let’s get started dissecting this week’s episode of 19 Kids and Counting.

Of course, we kick things off with a rehashing of everyone’s martial status, because that is all that matters in Duggar-land. Other than babies, of course. Jim Bob rambles on about having to part with his possessions daughters as they go off and get married. We go over Jill and Derick’s first kiss again and are reminded that they kiss like 9-year olds on the playground. We then cut to Derick in interview all wide-eyed noting that he and Jill went from just holding hands the morning of their wedding to living together that night. I feel like there is more than awestruck incredulity here. He clearly realizes there is something wrong with that picture but naturally, he’s been programmed not to say so out loud. I think Jim Bob sends him some kind of shock-wave from the wings when he’s about to make sense.

We segue into a scene of Jill and Derick in their new house and guys, their kitchen is baller for a Wal-Mart accountant and his unemployed bride. Ah, to be on Jim Bob’s Good List. Jessa wasn’t so lucky but we will get to that later. For now, let’s all ready our barf buckets because these crazy kids just will not quit with the awkward fish-lipped kisses. I mean, I see they are happy and good for them, but it just couldn’t be any weirder for the viewer. Just…gross. TLC even registers a helpful Kiss Count and it reaches nine in a span of 10 minutes. They were cooking beans for dinner. Who wants that many kisses amid bean fumes? Oh, Duggars. Never change.

Jill and Derick talk about how strange it is now that Jill is in a household of two instead of 20. She apparently talks really loudly because she is used to having to shout to be heard and she is having trouble making food for a pair instead of a crowd. I find it important to note that your barf bucket should still be at the ready because they eat sitting right next to each other. Like, practically in each other’s laps. And they are eating beans. Who wants to cuddle whilst eating the magical fruit? Derick talks about how awesome chaperone-free life is as he goes in for kiss number nine. While Jill has a mouthful of beans. I am honestly ready to hork.

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