19 Kids And Counting: Duggar Daughters, Dresses And Hair-Do’s

We open last night’s episode of 19 Kids and Counting with yet another starry-eyed confirmation from Jill that she is indeed engaged to Derick Dillard. I realize they have to play catch-up for viewers not as Duggar-savvy as myself but watching her go all glassy-eyed and into future baby-maker mode makes me sad for her all over again. Anywho, moving on.

This episode is centered around a Duggar girl’s trip to the salon to practice pre-wedding hair styles and make-up. Michelle talks about how important it is to get in time together, just girls, before Jill becomes a baby machine grown woman who lives outside of the compound. We cut to Joy Anna talking about how sad she is that her older sisters are getting married and moving out. She claims it’s because she will miss them but I can’t help but think she’s just pissed that her promotion to Older Daughter is fast-approaching and she will need to start cooking for 20 and being 2nd Laundry Attendant. The scene ends with Jim-Bob whining about how sad he is that Jill is moving out. I know it’s rough losing your live-in help but he has plenty of them waiting in the wings so I don’t know what he’s worried about.

We move on to the home of Josh and Anna Duggar in Washington, DC. In a prior season, Josh had a personal trainer and did a weight-loss challenge with Jim-Bob. Well, the weight found him again because last week’s episode had a scene with Anna crafting a giant Southern breakfast in an (obviously staged) scene where Josh’s old fitness trainer shows up and hollers at them for their shitty pantry full of processed foods. Apparently, the tater tot casserole habit dies hard. In this episode, we see that Anna is trying to follow the healthier diet Josh’s trainer suggested and to that end, she has a woman they met at the farmer’s market coming to teach her how to cook healthy meals. Can I say that although sort of orange, Anna’s make-up looks cute and she’s almost….normal. She also kind of has a personality and she is obviously a great mom with adorable kids. Maybe they should just do a show about them.

Six minutes in and I’m already Denim-Blind but, moving on. Salon time and I hope these stylists have some serious shampoo to wash out all the crunchy Jesus Gel. Cut to an interview where Derick says he loves Jill’s hair down and curly so, spoiler alert for what she wants on her wedding day. Disclaimer: I actually like Derick. He seems very level-headed and I can’t imagine him ever telling Jill no if she wanted to pursue something outside of the home but Jim-Bob’s brainwashing runs deep so it probably doesn’t matter anyway. What a waste of a smart girl who could do some good in the world. But at least she’s going forth and multiplying!

We hear from each Duggar daughter about hair. Jinger says all the girls prefer their hair long and Jessa says they never go to salons- both shocking revelations, I know. Joy Anna is awesome and tells the stylist to do whatever she wants and Jinger tries on fake eyelashes and looks adorable but immediately dismisses them claiming they are not a part of her regular beauty routine. Nice cover, Jinger. Obviously, they would weigh you down in an escape attempt and that’s the reason they’re no bueno.

We hear an interview with Jana where she talks about being ok with not being in a relationship yet. I see a twinge of sadness, which bums me out for her. These girls seem to put their whole worth in getting married and having kids and at 24 ancient years old, she must be hearing the tick of the clock. I think Jim-Bob is just fielding offers waiting for a lucrative one- she is, after all, the prettiest Duggar daughter.

Ok, the Duggars must be angling for a Pantene contract because we got one shot after another of flowing, virgin Duggar locks. Get it, girls.

Cute scene with Josh and Anna feeding their kids the salmon and peaches the farmer’s market cooking instructor taught Anna to make. Anna tells the camera that the kids eat salmon and love healthy foods. They cut to an interview with Michael and Mackynzie where they ask them if they like healthy foods and Mackynzie yells “never” about 17 times in a row. I think auntie Jinger has been giving her sass and eye-rolling lessons because this is just awesome.

Moving on to bridesmaid dress shopping. Of course, modesty is the order of the day- they need to be covered from neck to knee and I love that the dress shop employees are wearing off-the-shoulder mini dresses. To their credit, they keep a straight face and help the girls find dresses that might be able to have fabric added on without compromising the design. At first, I assumed that the dress shop would do the alterations but no- it’s poor Jana. Jana is like a real-life Cinderella. She is the “best at sewing” so it’s on her to make nine bridesmaids dresses fundie-appropriate. Jessa and Jinger start trying on dresses and Jinger looks particularly hilarious with shawls and fabric stuffed under her dress to cover all of the nasty bits. I wish she had gone to the wedding dressed like that. They pick a cute lacy number but of course, it will have to be Frankensteined by their seamstress/maid Jana to be modest enough.

We see the girls go shoe shopping and holy hell, Michelle Duggar sucks at subtle product plugs. They whole thing came off as an ad for Famous Footwear. Someone give this woman acting lessons. Jill mentions she is going barefoot at her mega-church wedding which struck me as odd at first seeing as this is not some garden ceremony. However, it is sadly appropriate for her future barefoot-and-pregnant life. Sigh.

Anna, Josh and the kids are making a wedding gift for Derick and Jill and wait for it….it’s  a baby mobile. Anna says how for any other wedded couple, it would be a strange gift but for a Duggar, “it’s appropriate”. Anna also mentions how the biggest piece of advice Jim-Bob gave them would be to “be fruitful and multiply”. However, she redeems herself by saying that she wants to focus on the three kids she has and that more are in the future but that she does not need to be pregnant to be validated. I think I just passed out for a second. Anna is sounding more normal every week. Better get her back to Arkansas before she shows some shoulder.

The final scene is a girl’s tea party at the Duggar compound where Jana is, naturally, trapped in the basement sewing her little fingers off trying to stop these heathen dresses from pleasing Satan. A package arrives and low and behold, it’s Jill’s wedding dress! We see the girls modeling the bridesmaids dresses and they don’t look too terrible. Michelle does a voice-over talking about how this is a new season in her life and her kids are growing up. She talks about how she has to soak up this time while she has it with the younger ones because before she knows it, they will be getting married too. At least she seems to be through with the delusion that she will be pregnant again one day. Progress. I’ll take it.

(Image: TLC.com)