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19 Kids And Counting: Ben And Jessa’s European Honeymoon, ‘An American Derp In Paris’

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Bonjour, Duggar fans! Last night’s episode was positively, out-of-control amazing. My voice is still hoarse this morning from laughing so hard. Ben and Jessa had their European honeymoon and it was everything I was praying on and more. I watched it while chatting with some writer friends and one of them dubbed it “An American Derp In Paris”, so I cannot take credit for that, but here goes the rest. Time to recap this week’s continental version of 19 Kids and Counting!

We open with Ben and Jessa carting their laundry to the Duggar family compound. Apparently, their mold-infested dream home still isn’t ready for them to bump uglies 24/7 so they’re living in a hotel for the time being. As it turns out, that pesky mold turned into a whole-house problem and the family is planning to fix it for them while they’re touring Europe. The newlyweds outline their itinerary — Paris, Rome, Venice — dispense side hugs and bid farewell to the family. I am so God damned excited I can barely see straight. Ben. In Europe, guys. Holy shit.

Jessa and Ben are back in their hotel room packing for the trip and this is where things went full-throttle amazing and never looked back. Ben had a book of French phrases he was working on. Ben. Reading French. Friends, the boy has BARELY mastered rudimentary English. JE SUIS DERP. I was dying on my couch. He talks in voice-over about how easily he and Jessa have fallen into being affectionate and I’m all duh, you’re 19, so many boners. Of course it’s all going swimmingly in that department.

Ben continues to butcher the French language with abandon as they arrive in Paris. They walk by the CHOMPS DUH LEEZAY and also, the ARCH DUH TRIUMPH. I swear to you, it was just as bad as you’d think and also, glorious all at once. This episode, in a nutshell, is why people hate Americans.

They arrive at a restaurant for their first dinner and Ben immediately announces “We’re ‘Merican” to their server, because his Men’s Wearhouse 3-piece suit and incredible French talk wasn’t enough to get that across. Ben and Jessa are delivered a big platter of escargot, which of course, bitchy Jessa turns her nose up at. Ben is a bit more adventurious here, really soaking in the culture, and decides to go for it. He announces that it “tastes like chicken” and is a bit chewy while Jessa continues to make a stink face until the waiter comes by to take it away. They then scale the Eiffel Tower where Ben expresses a fear of heights and Jessa basically says “cool story bro” and makes him go to the top. It was reminiscent of Josh forcing Anna up that tall building in Chicago when she looked like she may die of fright. The Duggars are pushy assholes in all ways, it would seem!

Meanwhile, back in Arkansas, the rest of the Duggars are working on renovating Ben and Jessa’s lovenest. They have a LOT of work to do to turn it from Mold Palace to Livable Space and Jim Bob has all hands on deck for the job. He blabbers a little about making sure all of the kids know life skills and whatever and Jinger mentions how she plans to fuck up painting a few cabinets and I giggled. I mean, she didn’t say fuck. But I know she wanted to. #freejinger

Back to Paris and my God, the TLC production people must have had an absolute blast filming and editing this episode. It is full of cheesy accordian music to accompany Ben and his foreign foibles and they seem to go to great lengths to highlight his derpiest moments. Glad to see they’re in on the joke.

(Related: 19 Kids And Counting: Jill’s Gender Reveal And New Chores For Everyone)

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