Pop Culture

19 Kids And Counting: The Wedding Looms And Jessa Continues Her Anti-Cake Campaign

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Jill, Derick, Jessa and Ben are on a double date at some painting studio with Jill and Derick acting as the chaperones. Of course, it’s closed to everyone but them because Duggars are special. They are doing some crappy painting of a tree with a heart drawn on it and their initials in the middle of the heart. Each couple does their own and just like the initials on the pies the little boys made last week, Ben and Jessa’s proudly reads “BJ”. Me and my vodka are amused but of course, the Duggars are oblivious. Derick starts in on his idiot talk about how if Ben tries anything with Jessa he will have to tackle him. Eye roll. He says he knows “that look” that Ben gives Jessa because he gave it to Jill and I’m thinking he’s confused because Ben always has a look and it’s probably just him rubbing his three brain cells together trying to remember to breathe.

Time for a good old-fashioned Duggar homemade pizza night! We cut to interview where Michelle says the older kids running off and getting married has them realizing how precious their time with their children living at home really is so they are trying to spend it with them now. Lord, whatever. You have 19 kids. There is no way on earth you’ve spent enough quality time with any of them, and you never will. Not enough hours in the day, Michelle — no matter how hard you pray.

Jim Boob is spinning pizza dough and looking like a total asshole, naturally. It’s full of holes and looks like garbage and I’m pretty sure it will be inedible. Josie is sucking on vegetables before she sticks them on the pizza and Michelle says they have to make sure not to eat that one. Michelle is clearly not as Mom as I am because I eat pre-chewed food my kids abandon on the regular. Just shows how often her Daughter Nannies are doing the dirty work, raising the little ones. They put pickles on the pizza, which makes me want to throw up, and then start shoving them all in their 17 ovens. All of this food got me thinking about Duggar sewage. I hope they have a really efficient septic system because year over year, that is a lot of Duggar dung to process.

We return to close out the staged painting scene for Jessa, Ben, Jill and Derick. Jill yabbers on about giving Jessa marriage advice because after two whole months, she is a God damn sage. Jessa grudgingly mentions Jill’s pregnancy and how excited she is for her and Derick. It could not be more obvious that Jessa doesn’t give a shit and it makes me love her all the more. Derick and Jill won’t stop kissing and this whole scene just sucks. Rah, rah marriage. We get it.

Anna and Josh are getting ready to head to Arkansas for the wedding but Anna is going ahead with the kids on her own. Josh has a prior commitment so he cannot fly down until the day of the wedding (guessing it’s some sort of anti-abortion, women’s rights-limiting rally that simply can’t be missed). This means Anna is flying “alone” with the kids and I use quotes because they also claimed their dumb road trip last summer was just them and the kids when we later found out Jana was with them being a silent nanny. I’m sure TLC sent someone along to help her on the plane.

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