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19 Kids And Counting: In Which Jessa Can’t Turn On Her Oven And Derick Learns To Daddy

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Duggar hate-fans, please fasten your seat-belts and place your tray tables in the upright position, because we’re about to take off. This won’t compare to the epic honeymoon episode of last week but there were still many moments of pure, Duggar WTF for us to giggle over. Jessa attempts to operate an oven, achieving an impressive degree of Fail, while Derick and Jill prepare for their new bundle of joy by observing Josh and Anna in their natural fundie parenting habitat. Ready? Let’s go. All of the best (and worst) from last night’s 19 Kids and Counting.

Jessa and Ben have returned from butchering the French language on their honeymoon and are getting ready to move into their new house. We learn that Pimp Daddy Jim Bob took them shopping for all new furniture, carefully noting that the deals they got were similar to buying used. I certainly hope so, Jim Bob. Jessa got the mold den while Jill got the palace but as you’ll remember, Jill got the old fart-filled, used couches so I guess the least he can do is buy Jessa new furniture.

Michelle tells the tale (again) of how thrilled she was to marry The Boob and mentions how just sharing a tube of toothpaste was exciting to her when they moved in together. And also, she remembers thinking they could even share a TOOTHBRUSH if they wanted to and I was all HOLD UP that’s so nasty, what kinky oral hygiene shit is she into? Keep your mouth off my toothbrush, Jim Bob.

Jessa blabbers about the differences in living with only one other person compared to life on the compound and Derp says the biggest adjustment was figuring out the thermostat settings in order to make them both comfortable. You’d think that would be all he would say on such a mundane matter but then, he goes into a stunning Forrest Gump-esque spiel about how in the summah, you need da air conditionin’ on but in da winter, you need da heat. Oh my God, you guys. I think all the post-marital boning is slowly depleting his last clump of brain cells. Send help. Or Jesus.

Derick and Jill are traveling to Washington DC to visit Anna and Josh. The TLC spin for plot line purposes is that Derick is learning how to be a daddy by observing The Paunch for a few hours. Seems legit. Tons of creepy fish lip kisses while they pack and we learn that Jill is 31 weeks along at this point and Anna is 16 weeks. They arrive at the house and it is quickly decided (probably by TLC producers) that the ladies will stay home and create “vision boards” for their labors and the menfolk will take the kids grocery shopping.

As Derick and Josh loaded the kids into the car, I noted that it was quite the swanky SUV with leather seats, outfitted with new Britax car-seats. I guess you can afford to go all baller and shit when you stop paying taxes for four years. Oh yes, I went there. Derick basically shoves the kids into the car through the trunk and is totally stumbly with buckling them in. He says at least he didn’t use duct tape. Splendid. Our boy has a lot to learn from old Joshy.

They arrive at the grocery store and let the kids run wild, for the cameras, I’m sure. Derick looks hella awkward holding a baby and the older kids let him know it. Kenzie is running all over the place asking for everything she sees, as kids are wont to do. Josh gently tells her no to all of it and kinda earns points because it sounds like he’s maybe done this before, not just for the cameras. Derick tells Josh he can’t imagine doing this on his own someday with three kids and says he will have to work up to it. Well yeah, dude. That’s kind of how it works unless the good Lord blesses you with multiples.

(Related: 19 Kids And Counting: Ben And Jessa’s European Honeymoon, ‘An American Derp In Paris’)

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