19 Kids And Counting: The Final Pre-Wedding Tease

jill and derick

Alright, sports fans- this is it! I have official TLC commercial confirmation that next week is the big 19 Kids And Counting Jill and Derick wedding episode and I can barely contain my excitement. Last night’s episode was all about Jill and focused on her growing up through the years. There was much of the usual squickiness we have come to know and be repulsed by but otherwise, it was actually kind of sweet. I have to say, I have developed a bit of Duggar Stockholm Syndrome whilst watching this show. Jill is a good person and I am glad she’s so happy, even if she is now a breeder for the Duggar baby machine. Ok, Duggar faithful- let’s dive in, full frontal hug style.

It’s the opening scene and the moms Jill has helped in her work as a mid-wife are throwing her a bridal shower. There are shrieking babies and wild-eyed moms all over and this is the point where if Jill were a typical young woman, she might go “BUY ME BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, PLZ” but she looks right at home. I feel the need to point out right now that Anna Duggar seems to have passed down her orange Oompa Loompa make-up to Michelle. She is positively radioactive. I made my husband adjust the contrast on the TV thinking it was a problem on my end, but nope. She’s just tangerine.

Michelle is whining in voice-over about how Jill grew up “in the blink of an eye” and that she has no idea how it happened so fast. Well, I have an idea- life is probably a total effing blur when you spend a good 20 years pregnant and don’t have time to fully raise your own kids. Just a thought.

The shower attendees are all asked by the hostess to sign a print of two lovebirds for Jill and Derick and also, to put their fingerprints on it. Michelle comes running over and says she is going to put her fingerprint RIGHT IN BETWEEN the Jill and Derick birds. Because “they still need a chaperone!!” Oh my God, Michelle- get a grip. I am so very tired of her and Jim Boob (saw that in the comments last week, loved it) not trusting their own adult children in their romantic relationships. They say its “keeping them accountable”. I say it’s a creepy bid at total control over their lives even though they are old enough to drive, vote, smoke, drink and move out. Gross.

Jim Bob talks of being so excited for Jill and ponders what the Lord has in store for her and Derick. Hmmm, I wonder what the Lord could have in mind? Could it be, BABIES? This is a real mystery. I need to give it more thought.

Jim Bob and Michelle talk about when Jill was born (Michelle’s first all-natural delivery) and how she was an easy and “compliant” child who never cried. They called her the “perfect baby”. Mine cried so there goes my bid at perfection. They start showing a bunch of flashbacks and suddenly, I was assaulted by the sight of Michelle back before the Duggars got glamourized. Holy hell, dat hair. And the outfit. She and all of the girls were wearing those jumpers and had the crunchy hair going on. They have come a LONG way since those days.

There is more praising of Jill by her parents and siblings for being an all-around good person and “buddy” to everyone. Michelle’s voice gets kind of high-pitched and nervous when she mentions how Jill “wears many hats” and will be missed very much. Yes, Michelle- I can imagine replacing that kind of free, live-in help will be rough. Joy Anna, I hope you are ready for the “big girl” promotion. Momma needs you.

In the next scene, two gross things happen in such quick succession I am not sure which one triggered my dry heaving. We are done with Jill’s childhood flashback and have returned to the bridal shower where guests are writing down recipes. It occurred to someone that Jill does not know how to cook for only two people and everyone is VERY concerned. There is talk of how many leftovers poor Derick will be eating and all I could think is that DERICK comes from a family of only four people. Maybe HE could do some cooking and help his new wife learn while also trading off with dinner duty. I know, this is Duggar crazy talk. I’ll stop now.

The other thing was the voice-over of Jim Bob where he calls her…..his Jilly Muffie. OH GOD MY EYES AND EARS. Every time I think he can’t be any more revolting, he outdoes himself with a brand-new, cringe-inducing comment.

Time for more flashbacks and now we know for certain- the girls all used to get perms! Jill and Jana were the official family permers. I’m glad to see that at least they have learned new curling methods and are no longer crunchy and smelling of rotten eggs.

Joy Anna talks about how Jill has always been her buddy and Michelle says Jill claimed her as her baby when she was born. Now, Jill and Joy Anna are only six years apart and Michelle is waxing poetic about how much Jill loved to take care of her. My daughter is seven and if I have another baby I will in NO WAY encourage her to take on a motherly role. I cannot imagine stunting my kid’s childhood for my own convenience. Now, Jim Bob is explaining the genius “buddy system” they came up with years ago where they created teams of kids that had one older kid at the helm. I can barely even watch because my brain is clouded with rage. I’m sorry, but I’m going to say it. If you have so many kids you need to institute a buddy system to account for and physically care for them all, then you have too many kids. Cut that shit right out.

My favorite part of this episode was a brief interview with Joy Anna where she talks about how Jill was the leader of her “buddy team” and how she will be missed but that IF she has kids, she will make a new buddy team of her own. She said IF! Joy Anna, you are now my favorite Duggar and the new Jinger. FREE JOY ANNA!

Flashback scene from a few years ago where Jill and Jana are taking First Responder training courses. The family was in Atlanta and somehow, Jason fell into an orchestra pit (BUDDY TEAM FAIL). He was all bloodied up and screaming and Jill was the first one to get to him. You can see how calm she stays and how natural she is with this kind of thing. It really is a shame that it seems she will never have a chance to attend nursing school. I know she will be a great mother but imagine how many people she could have helped. Le Sigh.

New flashback scene about Josie’s birth, which was apparently the impetus for Jill to train to be a mid-wife. For those not familiar, Josie was a micro-preemie, born at only 25.5 weeks gestation. Jill took an active role in caring for her right from the start- probably because her mother had 17 other kids at home to attend to. Naturally.

Jill attended the births of all of Anna and Josh’s babies and this is where I learned that Anna gave birth to one of her babies on the toilet. Yup. Another mildly sweet moment in this episode was when they showed Jill handing Josh one of his babies right after it was born. It is clear that this could be Jill’s calling and I hope against hope that she takes breaks between birthing her own babies to go further with the mid-wifery thing.

We are now almost caught up to present Duggar time and are retracing the steps of Jill meeting Derick. For those of you not aware, Jim Bob loved him first- they were “prayer partners” and in contact for a full 18 months before Jill spoke a word to him. So basically, Jim Bob courted Derick before she did. Barf. Brief interlude where we learn that Derick only has one sibling, a brother, and his father was a police officer before dying during Derick’s first year of college. His mother talked about how the father was at home with his sons during the day caring for them because he worked evenings. I think this is awesome and I REALLY hope that means Derick will take an active role in caring for the baby and not leave all the drudgery to Jill.

Now, we are peeping on Jill’s first Skype conversation with Derick and oh my God, Michelle and Jim Bob are sitting in the room with her, holding hands and looking so mother effing creepy I can barely watch. Michelle mentions that Jill was guarded with Derick at first to which I say, no shit. Her parents were privy to their every conversation– how is she supposed to act?

There is a brief interview with Derick’s brother and it was amazing- he looks appropriately weirded out by the fact that Jim Bob accompanied Jill on a trip around the world to see Derick and get this courtship rolling. He says it was….”interesting”. This guy gets it and I could not stop laughing. Derick’s mom also looks a little frightened saying she never expected Derick to marry a woman with 18 siblings. Yes, dear Cathy- no one does.

We see Jill and Derick’s first meeting in Nepal where in voice-over, Derick says he “enjoyed that side-hug”. Well, what red-blooded 25-year old man wouldn’t?! We get a nice replay of the squicky moment where Derick dared to put a hand on the middle of Jill’s back as they are walking and Jim Bob swiftly shoved her to his other side and put HIS OWN HAND on her instead. Hang on, barf break.

Yet another replay of the most scandalous Duggar moment to ever Duggar- when Jill saw Derick for the first time after two months apart and launched into A FULL FRONTAL HUG! Jim Bob talks about how upset he was and that his alarm definitely went off. Oh, Jesus H. Christ. I can’t help but be sad for this couple when I see all of the natural moments where an average couple would show physical affection and they are just….stunted. I’m sorry, I know everyone has their own way but not fully hugging or kissing someone before you marry them is just not right. There, I said it.

Ok, we are all wrapped up for this week. I am SO beyond excited for next week. See you then!

(Image: Twitter)

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