10 Things Moms Should Never Be Caught Wearing In Public

As we all know, once a woman hits her expiration date by turning 30 or popping out a child, she has to be careful what she wears out in public. Here are a few of the fashion no-no’s you’ll definitely want to avoid!

1. Radium watches.


The glow-in-the-dark face is both cool and convenient, but the radiation poisoning might make you late for that PTA meeting or play date.

2. The t-shirt of the band whose concert you’re currently attending.


Don’t be that guy.

3. A miniskirt (made of human skin).


It’s absolutely fine to show your legs off after you have kids! Just don’t do it while showing off what used to be someone else’s legs.

4. An iron maiden.


Medieval torture devices: not even once.

5. An old-timey diving suit.


The helmet will make it hard for you to check your blind spot while driving, or to look both ways before crossing the street.

6. Crocs.


No, not the plastic shoes — obviously what I mean is that you shouldn’t strap a pair of live crocodiles to your feet.

7. A wedding dress made out of toilet paper and Scotch tape.


I don’t care how much fun that bachelorette party you went to was; at some point it’s going to rain. Let it go, honey.

8. A medieval plague doctor’s costume.


You might start another Ebola panic, and that’s the last thing we need. Save it for Halloween, lady.

9. A tube top.


Both impractical and unflattering. Why would you even take the time to make a shirt by sewing together a bunch of toilet paper tubes? Those are recyclable, you know.

10. Anything that will get other people’s panties in a twist if you dare to offend their tender sensibilities with it.


Don’t you know that you should always take the time to dress yourself in a way that will be as palatable as possible to the judgy assholes you might bump into at Starbucks or Target? You can’t imagine the untold damage you’ve done to their day by being a mom in public wearing a graphic t-shirt or a stretched-out sports bra. Please — won’t someone think of the douchebags?

(Image: Weerameth Weerachotewong / iStock / Getty)

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