10 Things (Almost) No Mother Wants For Mother’s Day

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6. A gag gift.

not amused


A cheesy sash and plastic scepter will become a child’s toy by 9 am and fodder for the trash by noon.

7. Breakfast in bed.



Commercials love to show kids skipping down the hall to greet mommy in a bed full of white blankets with a tray full of gourmet goodies. In reality, toddler hands all over everything means we end up with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease by Tuesday morning. Cold Pop-Tarts in the sealed package, s’il vous plait.

8. Food poisoning.

puke jar


You decided to take us out for a nice brunch? That’s wonderful, except that so did every other family within a 200 mile radius. Make sure you get a reservation so we don’t end up at the counter of the local greasy spoon.

9. Perfume.



Unless it’s in a scent we already love, we will feel compelled to walk around in a cloud of stink for for an appropriate amount of time before it accidentally on purpose slips off the counter.

10. A household appliance.



Getting us an iron, blender or vacuum for Mother’s Day is as cliche as getting a tie for Father’s Day. And if memory serves correct, we bought you a…. Oh, crap.

(image: PathDoc/

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