10 Signs You Don’t Have A Kid Living In Your House

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I’m not one of those people who doesn’t believe you can have nice things once you have kids, but I’m also not one of those people who thinks nothing has to change about the design of your home. There are things I love that I just do not have anymore because I have little minions running around this house and their apparent job is to ruin things.

I can spot a house without kids easy. It contains any of the following items.

1. A white couch.

My couch is dark brown. I realize this probably means there’s just a bunch of crap on there I can’t see. I don’t care.

2. Low-laying magnets on the fridge.

Choking on a magnet – every parent’s worst nightmare. No house with small children has low-lying magnets on the fridge.

3. Crystal anything.

Have you ever seen what crystal does when it breaks? I have. It shatters into a zillion pieces. You will never sleep again.

4. Chandeliers that can be reached from the furniture.

My kid hangs from everything. Is it just me?

5. This.



This is what parents refer to as “easy-to-reach poison.”

6. “White” as a theme.


Um, no. How would this work? I guess if you only fed your child beige snacks and water you could pull it off.

7. This.



Any kind of unsafe electrical outlet situation makes parents break into a cold sweat.

8. Loosely hanging blind cords.

Nope. A house with kids does not have these.

9. Square glass coffee tables.

Watch a child trip next to a glass coffee table with sharp, square edges and see what happens.

10. Potpourri

Your kid will for sure eat this.