10 Reasons To Never, Ever Give Your Kids Fast Food
Fast food is great. It’s cheap, it’s easy in a pinch, and best of all it punches all the little pleasure-buttons in the caveman parts of our brains. Of course, man cannot live on $5 Hot-and-Ready Pizza alone, but some people seem to think that fast food is something families should forgo permanently: diabetes! Heart disease! Stroke!
But the No Fast Food contingent’s not entirely wrong: here are ten reasons that you should probably avoid fast food whenever possible.
1. Because your jerkass children never share their Happy Meal toys with you.
You’re not made of stern enough stuff to be content just sitting there and watching them play with those cool mini-Transformers and My Little Ponies without you.
2. Because your kids always hog all the fry bits and don’t leave you any.
This crunchy, delectable, crumbly manna from heaven lurks in the bottom of each bag of French fries, and the miniature black holes you call your offspring always beat you to it. What’s the point in going out to eat if you’re going to miss out on the tastiest part?
3. Because you suffer from masklophobia.
Clowns, creepy kings, and whatever the hell is going on with the Jack-in-the-Box mascot–no one could blame you for developing a crippling fear of the mascots for each of these chains.
4. Because they’ll get coronary heart disease at the age of eleven from eating an occasional cheeseburger.
Haha, just kidding! This is only something a complete weirdo would say.
5. Because you are a family of anthropomorphic farm animals.
Are you going to feed your bipedal bovine children a burger, you sicko? I think not.