Childrearing

10 Reasons You Definitely Shouldn’t Vaccinate Your Children

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Vaccination is one of the most serious public health issues facing us today. As immunization rates drop across the country, herd immunity wanes, and some of our most vulnerable citizens are put at grave risk. But of course, although vaccination is a critical issue, there are some very good reasons you may want to skip vaccinations for your own family. Well–there are some reasons, anyway.

1. Because your ‘child’ is actually a balloon animal.

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Don’t deflate his confidence in your ability to make sound parenting choices.

2. Because you’re a character in a bad sci-fi movie.

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The chance that whatever’s in that syringe is going to kill you, mutate you, or make you melt from the inside out is just too great.

3. Because you are a family of sentient pertussis bacteria.

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Definitely skip the whooping cough vaccine, at least; but you can still stay on board with the rest of the normal immunization schedule.

4. Because you believe your fancy diet and/or regular application of essential oils provide you better immunity anyway.

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Your measles- and influenza-riddled bodies will be easier for the rest of us to outrun after the zombie apocalypse. Keep up the great work!

5. Because your doctor is offering a 2-for-1 deal: MMR vaccination plus a free tattoo.

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And he’s using the same needle for both. Ew.

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