Childrearing

10 Parenting Tactics I Have Majorly Failed At

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6. Abstaining From Television

shutterstock_145890995__1374529528_216.53.134.78(photo: JMiks/ Shutterstock)

If you are one of those parents who vehemently insists that their child has never seen TV, we can’t be friends, because you are super annoying.

I get it. TV is bad. But sometimes I need the block of time that entertaining my child with the television affords me. If you’ve never set your child in front of the television you either 1) have a nanny, 2) don’t parent full time, or 3) are a way better mother than me. It’s probably number three – and I’m okay with that.

7. Exclusive Breastfeeding

shutterstock_137106275__1374623945_142.196.156.251

(photo: Africa Studio/ Shutterstock)

Don’t supplement with formula! It will lower your breast milk supply and cause the end of civilization as we know it! Okay, no one ever said that last bit, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

I didn’t supplement with formula until my first child was six months old. My second child is six weeks, and I have already given her a few formula bottles. Do you know when she gets them? When I want to leave the house without her and I don’t have any milk pumped. I used to stay home and/or take my first child everywhere I went because I refused to supplement with formula. F that. I’m not doing that again. I refuse to be a prisoner to my boobs.

8. iPhone Regulation
Babys First iPhone(photo: atomicjeep/ Flickr)

I basically need to ask my toddler permission to use my own phone. I am a miserable failure. I have no excuses for this one, it’s just plain stupid.

9. Avoiding McDonald’s At All Costs
McDonalds Cheese Burger Happy Meal

(photo: Calgary Reviews/ Flickr)

I actually kind of think that McDonald’s is the work of the devil. We very rarely eat fast food. My toddler went through one of those periods toddlers go through where he refused to eat pretty much anything. We stopped at a McDonald’s on a road trip and he devoured chicken McNuggets with an excitement I couldn’t believe. I thought I would be disgusted. Instead, I was clapping my hands, gleefully screaming, He’s eating! He’s eating!

10. Not Swearing

Oh Shit
(photo: erokism/ Flickr)

A couple weeks ago, the temporary dining room table we are using collapsed under the weight of some books we had at the end of it. No one got hurt, but it startled us, and my husband and I just sat there staring at each other. My 2-and-a-half-year-old looked up at us and said, Oh shit! I was at the same time horrified and somewhat proud that he used it in the right context. Oh, shit. Must. Stop. Swearing.

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