The 9 Most Bizarre Things That Parents Have Started Facebook Groups To Protest

If there’s something out there you don’t like as a parent, Facebook is a pretty good place to meet up with other people who share your views. And if you’re having a boner of a Friday morning, Facebook also happens to be a pretty good place to get your jollies by pointing and laughing at some of the hilariously terrible ‘anti’ pages out there. Grab your coffee and settle in: here’s a round-up of the 9 most WTF ‘parents against X’ groups on Facebook.

1. I couldn’t find any references to ‘precious bodily fluids’, though.

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A lack of cavities is for the weak. According to this site, fluoridated drinking water is a neurotoxin, causes diabetes, and worst of all … it might make you fat. Horrors!

2. Won’t someone please stop protecting the children?

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 There are loads and loads of anti-CPS groups, including this one, which calls accuses the organization of ‘child trafficking’ and attributes a mock mission statement to them that says:

“Our corruption is literally endless … we have the President of the United States in our back pocket.”

Yeah, I can’t even keep count how many times the President personally intervened to help out our district social worker’s cases when I used to teach! Because you can’t really count to ‘zero’.

3. Fighting for the right to bear arms (in Applebee’s).

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Guns, everywhere, all the time. That’s the only way to keep our children truly safe. Bonus: non-ironic usage of hashtag #imissamerica. Well, just keep shooting until you don’t miss, then!

4. I dare you to read this name without hearing Patty Smyth in your head.

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The name is cut off in the header, but if you can’t tell or guess, this group is called “Warrior Moms and Dads Against Mandatory Vaccination“. It’s for people who can handle the TRUTH about how vaccines and GMOs combine in our bodies to cause autism and neurodegenerative diseases. Fight on from your keyboards, brave warriors, fight on.

5. Why fi, indeed?

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I was sure this was a parody site when I first saw the name, but no. We need to end the ‘epidemic’ of wi-fi in schools, because … radiation? Also because some guy told the Daily Mail that using his cell phone six hours a day gave him a brain tumor. If you can’t trust the Daily Mail to provide accurate science coverage, who can you trust?

6. “Xenophobia ‘R’ Us” was already taken.

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I believe this group is subtitled, “Please shield my children from ever hearing about anything I don’t like.”

7. Dad: a daughter’s first mansplainer and creepazoid.

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First of all, ew to that profile-picture sign. Secondly, I appreciate the generalist approach to this. Not Dads Against Bad Moms, or Dads Against Ex-Wives/Ex-Girlfriends. Just moms! Although I have to wonder how becoming a dad works without a mom involved somehow in the process.

8. Consequences are for other people, son!

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 Parents in the UK who knowingly pull their kids out of school to go on vacation think that instead of having to pay the fines they knew they would rack up should … not have to do that.

9. A.k.a. “Parents Against Pooping”.

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This is a closed group that publicly describes itself as “suspicious” about the “very dangerous” drug Ex-Lax. Of course you can’t feed your kids laxatives like they’re candy, but “very dangerous”? Only if you’re wearing white pants, I think. Now, I can’t see their posts, but I’m praying that it’s a parody … but since I also found a bunch of articles from Mercola and its ilk about how Ex-Lax is the greatest threat to our civilized society since, well, fluoridated water, I’m not optimistic.

(Feature image: YouTube)