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Ah, the guilt of a working mother. It comes in so many shapes and forms: guilt for leaving your child each day. For missing ballet recital. For actually enjoying your job. It’s a struggle many women face – and accept – until that fateful remark by a fellow mom. You know, the one that stops you in your tracks and makes you feel shitty, defensive and totally judged all at once. Here are the Top 5 things never to say to a working mom – ever!
Coming tomorrow: Top 5 Things Not To Say To A Stay-At-Home Mom
27 days ago
[...] her statement, both ladies seem to have stumbled into the cultural firestorm that often is professional working motherhood vs. stay-at-home motherhood. Politics completely aside, the conversation is always a delicate one [...]
205 days ago
[...] Working mothers may get their backs up, but Luhabe sees nothing wrong with women who choose to work. She just thinks they should “have the support structure that they require to do that joyfully, so that we can bring up children who are healthy.” [...]
211 days ago
[...] 5 things not to say to both working moms and stay-at-home moms, including the oh-so condescending “Good for you for putting your career first” (a working-mom favorite) and “What do you do with all that free time?” (SAHMs just love [...]
Hilarious! I’ve heard the “Daycare is raising your child” before. My daycare raised a budding scientist. Go Daycare! Its your birthday!
All I have to say is that women need to get happy where they are at. If you are happy at home, then you won’t feel insecure about staying at home or working. The barbs come from UNHAPPY women on both sides.
I can respect women who know who they are, what they want and can keep their insecurities to themselves with graciousness and dignity.
Love this. I have heard each and every one of these and i just bite my tongue. in fact I have no tongue left.
I’m a working mom, but I’ve never felt guilty for doing it. When it’s a choice between living on the streets hungry or living in a house with food, which am I going to choose? Most mothers have no choice but to work.
Thankfully, nobody’s ever said these ignorant and rude things to me. When you stop to think about it, it’s kinda stupid. It’s not healthy for children or their parents to be around each other 24/7. Children need the influence of others! They need to know that everyone has different ideas and different talents—otherwise, they grow up to be narrow-minded, ignorant and socially inept.
My job has never forced me to miss anything my child does, whether it be preschool graduation or his birthday. There are many jobs that are flexible and will allow for time off if given far enough in advance.
I will say one thing though: if you’re working a job that is rigid in schedule with little time off, then you should think twice before having children. A few hours at daycare won’t hurt, but if you’re constantly missing milestones and important events for your children, then it’s time to find a new career. Children should feel that responsibility and hard work are important in LIFE, not that it’s more important than THEM. There’s a major difference and people need to be wise enough to see it.
awesome list.
and omg! i’ve said these things. not to an actual person, mind you, but to myself and certainly not as a way to belittle or undermine what another person has chosen to do. when i had my first daughter i was totally paranoid about leaving her in a daycare much less with a “stranger” who of course would have had to be vetted by friends, relatives, police-checked, etc. which means it was my OWN insecurity. and had nothing to do with anybody else.
i find that alot of what we say and how we re/act to other moms/women is a projection of our own insecurities anyway. it’s our way of validating our experiences while invalidating other experiences that are dissimilar to our own. which is a terrible terrible thing to do. still, all we have to do is fess up and own up to our own shortcomings and yes one day, the world will be a better place for it.