Subscribe
Previous Post
In a recent post on this very site, writer Samantha Bailey wrote about her (sadly) non-existent sex life: “It’s simply about trying to be intimate amid the chaos of kids.” I just happened to read her post one day after I had a quickie sex session in the back of my boyfriend’s Acura that was parked in his garage.
Unlike Bailey, the “chaos of kids,” as she puts it, has actually improved my sex life tenfold. In fact, I’ve had more sex since my boyfriend and I blended our families (we now have three girls between the two of us). Actually, I’ve had more sex since I’ve been with him – with our combined three children around – than I have possibly in the last decade of my life! (Sorry, Bailey.)
There is something about the “chaos of kids” that is such a huge turn on for us. Forget about handcuffs and blindfolds and licking. I’m talking about the good, old-fashioned quickie! Let me explain. Because there are three children always wanting to spend time with us – and we do spend almost all our time with them, except for approximately 5 to 7 minutes each day – my boyfriend and I are forced to act like teenagers living under a roof with our parents and having no other way to have sex but to sneak in quickies.
With the “chaos of kids” upstairs, we have done it in his main floor bathroom (we come out bruised and battered, which is what happens when your back is on a marble floor and your knees are hitting a toilet boil. But I can live with that.) With the “chaos of kids” downstairs, we have done it in his upstairs bathroom, too, with the shower running, just in case. At my house, we’ve done it in my walk-in closet (oh, if those clothes could talk!) and the unused extra bedroom in the basement that has no bed (so we do it on the floor and, yes, we get carpet burn). And even after dinner, while the kids are settled in watching a movie upstairs, we’ve done it my fenced in, very private, backyard on my patio table.
Once, after dropping the kids off at my boyfriend’s club, where they were watched by the program director, we drove to his office, five minutes away, and did it on his office desk. We were back at the club faster than it takes to order a meal at McDonalds.
Bailey is right, in a way, when she writes, “It’s simply about trying to be intimate amid the chaos of kids.” Well, it isn’t always “simple.” We have to somewhat “plan” where we’re going to do these quickies – but that in itself builds excitement. We often have to tell the children that we’re walking the dog, or we’re just going to get ready to go out, or we’re going to put out the garbage.
Still, when we’re right in the midst of our quickies and we can hear the children walking or talking or coming near wherever we are, it’s even more of a turn on. And, while we don’t ever get the chance to lie there after our quickies, whispering sweet nothings, it’s still very intimate in the sense that we both know as we watch a movie with our kids, prepare dinner, play American Idol on the television or take them to the mall post-quickie, that we have this “secret,” that we just “got away” with something that only we know about.
Plus, what better way to shake up your sex life than being forced to do it in the back of a car or on a bathroom floor or an outside patio table just to hide from the children? Not only am I getting more sex than ever, I feel like a teenager again.
Now before you think that we’re ditching the kids just so we can just have sex, we’re not (so no awful comments, please!). The eldest has already been babysitting for neighbors with toddler twins on her own for months. She can easily watch our other two (who are seven and nine) for two to seven minutes (the average length of our quickies). We make sure they are well settled, happy and busy before we head somewhere, whether it’s a closet or behind a tree in my backyard, and before we have sex like we’re trying to win a race.
Bailey also writes in her article that she can’t “turn mommy off for long enough to get turned on.” Well, even after we put our kids to sleep and are completely exhausted after having spent the day taking them for breakfast, then Costco to shop, then for manicures and pedicures, then for lunch, then for a movie and then for dinner, I may not be able to turn mommy off, either. What mother ever can? But I also can’t turn it off because the worry that we’re going to be caught is a turn on. (We never have been caught, by the way, because we’re that good at sneaking around and having sex in such small spaces sometimes; it’s a good thing we both do yoga.)
“Do you think we’ll have time?” we’ll say to each other with only our eyes when the kids are happily playing together with dolls in the playroom. And – poof – the next thing we know we’re off in some washroom or a walk-in closet, or the back of a car, or my laundry room.
I feel for Bailey having a baby and a toddler but trust me when I say that a seven-, eight-, and 12-year-old are just as exhausting. They always need to be busy.
But even at night when we know our kids are fast asleep and we are exhausted, truly exhausted, and can finally have sex in an actual bed, sex that lasts more than two to five minutes (what a concept!), we still want to do it, because we both feel that we “can’t let the kids win!” Yes, I may lie there and say to him, “Sorry, you’re going to have to do all the work,” but we still do it and I always get into it (sometimes twice!) because “we can’t let the kids win!” We do so much for them (and this is not a complaint but a truism), the least we can do for ourselves is have a good sex life.
And, after we do it in bed, I lay there happily, cuddling in his arms, thinking how great it is that we still want to do it no matter how tired we are, while the loves of our lives are sleeping peacefully down the hallway in their bedrooms. At those moments, I feel truly blessed.
Bailey suggests people thinking of starting a family should forget the advice about getting all the sleep you can before the baby is born and instead, “have all the nasty, dirty, delicious sex you can because those memories will have to last for a long time.”
But I still remember, because it just happened yesterday, having a quickie on an old couch in my basement while the kids put on a fashion show for each other upstairs. We were downstairs for an entire six minutes. Ah, the memory.
(Photo: iStockphoto)
 | Who Has Time For Sex Anymore? (The Hot Kind, Anyway) |
 | My Kids Have Impeccable Timing When It Comes To Ruining My Sex Life |
 | Erica Jong Blames Momism, Not Motherhood, For Ruining Your Sex Life |
91 days ago
[...] it comes to sexy time (or lack thereof). On this site alone, we’ve had one woman swear that having more kids improved her sex life, while another can’t remember the last time she had “hot” sex with the man she [...]
106 days ago
[...] this happy for those other accomplishments. I spent two years writing a book yet all it took was 10 minutes in the sack (maybe 12) to have people be nice to me and tell me how excited they are for me. My parents, for [...]
119 days ago
[...] No questions were asked. And I didn’t make up a lie about it, like the time she caught me having sex (“I was doing yoga”). She really does think it’s a massage stick. She knew how to turn it on [...]
Man what I’d give for my single-mother-girlfriend to be as horny as the woman on this site. I’m 18 in the first serious relationship of my life, also the first time having consistent sex with the same person. But it’s not consistent anymore! Nor was it for very long. She has a year old daughter whom I adore and help watch and take care of as much as I can(which happens to be me holding her and playing with her and keeping her happy everyday) Which I don’t mind nor do i expect anything in return but a little sex would be nice. We have opportunities to sneak in quickies all the time which she would have jumped on in the past, but now our sex life has become sex once every couple weeks. I feel starved!
You know what, I never comment on here, but I just CAN’T let this one slide by. First of all, a baby and a toddler are a whole lot different than children 7, 8, and 12 years old. I know this because I have had a baby and a toddler and I know have an 8 and a 10 year old. World of difference in the way you can handle your sex life. When they were little, they cannot be left alone. EVER. Unless they are safe, asleep in their beds. Which happened at around 8 at night when I was done in.
So Samantha Bailey, I understand your predicament and while I can’t give you any tips like having sex in your back yard, I can tell you that it gets better. I wholeheartedly promise that it gets better. They will get a little older and you can at that point put a video on and have a “snap” (sex and a quick nap) for an hour. And I promise that you will be never ever be as tired as you are right now. It will be better. You will still be busy, but it’s not that constant, 24/7, getting up every 2 to 4 hours, my kids need me every waking second of the day kind of thing. Hang in there, do your best, and get a babysitter every once in a while.
I don’t get the whole sneaking around older children to have sex at all hours of the day. While I appreciate the need/want of a healthy sex life, it sounds to me that you are still in the throes of a new relationship with your “boyfriend”. And I’ll reserve my judgement on living with your boyfriend and your pre-adolescent daughters.
I never comment on here either, but I just CAN’T let your comment slide by. You said that you’ll reserve your “judgement (sic) on living with your boyfriend and your pre-adolescent daughters,” but it really sounds like you sneaked your judgment in there anyway. Even putting “boyfriend” in quotation marks in the sentence before that showed a huge amount of condescension. Maybe stick to the article content instead of making ridiculous assumptions (like a man who already has a daughter shouldn’t live with his girlfriend and her daughters, or that Rebecca is “still in the throes of a new relationship”).
My apologies for misspelling judgment.
And you bet there’s condescension and judgment. The article reads like the diary of a horny teenager. And before you label me a prude, I assure you that I am ALL about a healthy and thriving sex life.
And I get to judge because the author published an article about her lifestyle in a public forum. I didn’t assume that she lived with her “boyfriend” (yes I went there again). She mentioned in her article laying in her with her boyfriend while the “loves of our lives” sleep in their bedrooms down the hall. Not to mention having sex in the house while their pre-adolescent daughters play a mere few feet away. We’ll see how she feels about that when her own daughters want to have sex with their boyfriends while she is cooking dinner a few feet away.
Apparently, you’re “ALL about a healthy and thriving sex life” only as long as the two people are married. That makes sense. Single people (and especially single moms, like myself) do NOT deserve a healthy sex life. Single moms can’t be horny! And they definitely shouldn’t have sex in their own home. Whew! Glad you cleared that up.
Or you should get over yourself and accept that other people have sex and live together before marriage. Maybe it’s not a good idea to be so proud of being condescending and judgmental.
Love this! Sounds just like me and my hubby. Our kids are 2 and 3 so it’s a little harder to sneak away, but I’ve found if I give myself a half hour in the morning to make myself pretty it’s a lot easier to turn off the mommy when the opportunity presents itself. I’ve also been trying to always say yes to sex evenif I’m totally not in the mood. I always get into it by the end and it really does amazing things for our relationship:)