”˜Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Made Me Want To Have Sex Again

porn for momsMy story is one you have read a million times in varying degrees: mother of two young kids, working full-time, not getting enough sleep and totally uninterested in sex. I have read countless articles on sex after kids advising me to go on date nights with my husband and making time for our marriage but, let me tell you, that doesn’t do the trick. My good friend says that sex after kids is a bit like working out: You have to drag yourself to the gym and as painful as it is, you feel good afterwards.

I was so not into sex that I even went to my family doctor hoping to find some hormone abnormality. My doctor called with my blood test results and said I was completely normal. Not great news for me. She told me that I was among countless women who have this problem and her only prescription would be to take a week-long holiday alone with my husband. Just so you know, my husband and I have taken two-day trips, which was all we could commit to, and I could definitely see the positive effects (the sex was great!). The problem was it was short-lived. As soon as I would get home, I wanted sex as much as I wanted to roll around in mud.

But then one day I got my mojo back. And it came from a very unexpected place: a book called Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James. That’s right, a book made me want to have sex again. Lots of it. And I have my sister-in-law to thank. You see, my sister-in-law and I share a love of good books. When she recommends a book, I read it, even with very little information about it. Two months ago she recommended a book called Fifty Shades of Grey. I had never heard of it and knew nothing about it. All she told me was that she whipped through all three books (it’s a trilogy), all her friends in New Jersey were reading it and loving it, and as an aside she said that it was a bit like erotica (some have even dubbed it ”porn for moms”). I was intrigued.

I immediately downloaded it on my Kindle and could not put it down. All three books in the trilogy were completed in a record two and a half weeks (and I am not a fast reader). I read when I was giving my kids a bath or waiting in line at the grocery store, and I would consistently miss my subway stop to work every day. I would also pray for mechanical difficulties so that I could sit there longer and read.

I was partially ashamed for loving the book so much it’s about a lit student named Anastasia Steele who has a passionate affair with wealthy entrepreneur Christan Grey; even though I knew I was not the only one, I felt it was a guilty pleasure (it’s not exactly Pulitzer Prize-winning material). After getting fifty percent through the third book I intentionally slowed myself down. I didn’t want it to end and I was afraid that the positive effect that it was having would wear off.

Reading these books has reminded me of things that I have forgotten or have been relegated to the back of my mind while making dinner, running errands, balancing work and family have come to the forefront. I have seen a glimpse of the person I was before having kids someone who enjoyed having sex, even looked forward to it. I have realized that these feelings are still possible but I need to create a space for them and the pay off is huge both for my marriage and myself. In reawakening this part of myself, I was reminded that feeling sexual or desiring sex is not relegated to the bedroom but seeps into all aspects of your life. It gives you an energy and drive that is almost palatable. And that energy allows you to see yourself differently and how you interact with your husband, outside of the daily hustle and grind of getting things done.

Feeling sexual again is also about caring how you look and feeling good about yourself. Finding the time for that is always the challenge but I can see the huge pay off in doing it. Lastly, it gave me an opportunity to talk about sex with my sister-in-law. Sounds strange but it reminded me that I don’t really talk to anyone about sex any more and it feels good when you do. I realized that I am not alone in my feelings and this book was able to open up that conversation between the two of us and now the other friends I have recommended it to.

At the end of the day, these three books transformed the way I think and feel about sex in a way that nothing else has. It struck a cord with me that went beyond the actual content. The end result was not about my husband and me experimenting with a BDSM lifestyle but instead awakening a part of me that has been sleeping for the past four years. It didn’t change what I ”˜do’ but that I ”˜do’. My sister-in-law gave me a gift. She didn’t realize it at the time, but it is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

(Photo: prodakszyn/Shutterstock)

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