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Kiddo was still asleep as the sun came up. I had to pee. It was time.
For the past two weeks, I had been feeling off. At first, I thought my period was on its way. All the symptoms seemed right. I was tired, headachey, and had tender breasts. But after about a week, things changed. I could not shake this exhaustion and lately my stomach had been giving me problems. I also couldn’t stand the normal everyday smells I was used to. The scent of my usual morning cup of coffee would almost send me running for the toilet. Not to mention, I still had not felt any menstrual cramps.
So, I made my way to the bathroom. I dug out the pregnancy tests I kept stashed behind my tampons and toilet paper underneath the sink. I read the instructions carefully, even though I had done this before almost two years ago. I didn’t want to be unsure. I unwrapped the long, plastic stick. I uncapped it, revealing the small strip that was my target. I squatted over the toilet, positioned the test below me and went. I kept my eyes closed, controlled my breathing, and started counting. Inside my head the same mantra kept repeating, “Please be negative. Please be negative.” My last, desperate prayer to whatever higher power was listening.
I opened my eyes and looked down at the strip. I stared at it for a while. My breathing was starting to hitch and my eyes began to tear up. It was positive. There was no mistake. That plus symbol was clear as day. I was pregnant. I was pregnant, recently divorced, unemployed, in debt, I had just moved back in with my father and his wife, and I had a nine-month-old baby girl asleep in the next room. This was bad. This was really bad.
I quietly wrapped the offending test in some toilet paper and diligently buried it in the bathroom wastebasket. I made sure it was undetectable. I stuffed the wrapper in my pocket and made my way quickly back to the bedroom. I sat down at my computer and started looking up a local address and phone number for Planned Parenthood. As I reached for my cell phone, I decided I should call him first. He should know. Besides, I still didn’t know how I was going to pay for this all by myself.
I chose his name from the contact list and hit the call button. Three rings later and his voice was on the other end. He was not quite awake.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Hey, you, “ he said. His voice was quiet, but he obviously sounded pleased to be hearing from me. My stomach did a flip and I took a shaky breath.
“I have to tell you something…,” I paused. My heart was pounding against my chest. How was he going to react? Was he going to freak out? We had talked briefly about such a situation when we started sleeping together about a month ago. He had reassured me that he didn’t want another kid. He was a single parent too. His daughter was younger than mine. Could I trust him?
“What is it? What’s wrong?” He was more awake now. I had tried to keep my voice calm, but I had apparently failed.
“I’m pregnant.” It was the first time I had said the words out loud. I could hear the panic in my own voice. I was on the verge of tears again.
There was a long pause. I could hear him breathing on the other end. I heard as he shifted his body and let out a sigh. “Oh, babe. OK. Let’s stay calm,” he said, trying to reassure both me and himself. I started to sob. “No, hey. It’s gonna be alright. Listen to me, babe. It’s gonna be alright. Tell me what you want to do.”
I told him I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t have another kid. I didn’t want another kid. I had Kiddo and she was perfect. I knew as soon as I had her that she was it. She would be my one and only. Besides, I was already unable to support her by myself. How was I going to support two kids? Christ, I was 24 and living with my parents again. I could not do this to her, to them, to myself. How utterly selfish and stupid would I have to be to have this baby? It would ruin my life. It would ruin Kiddo’s life and we were already off to a rough start as it was. Her father, my ex-husband, had walked out on us when she was only two months old. We had been married young and my birth control failed during the honeymoon. We didn’t even make it to our one year anniversary. Everything was crashing down on to me again. I could not do this.
For his part, Dave was amazing. He was supportive. When I told him I wanted an abortion, he asked all the right questions. Did I make an appointment with the clinic yet? Did I want him to come with me? How much was it going to cost? He didn’t even ask if he had to help pay for it. He simply offered to.
This article makes me so sad. Sad for the “mother”, sad for the baby, and sad at her justification that she was not actually killing her child. I have so many great friends who have struggled with infertility that would LOVE to take on this author’s inconvenience. No, raising a child that you do not want is not a good idea, but allowing another couple to raise that baby is. Sigh.
10 days ago
[...] through Facebook, I saw a link to an article called “How My Abortion Made Me a Better Mother.” If I could only use one word to describe how I felt after reading it, it would be sad. [...]
I think you are disgusting. If you didn’t want to get pregnant you should have either been on birth control or abstained from having sex. Why should some poor child (that’s right, not fetus or “blood clot”) be murdered because you’re an irrsesponsible douchebag? Geez.
It’s a travesty people are on here in the name of God and Christian values arguing with and attacking this woman for so openly and candidly expressing her opinion. God loves all people- those who abort and those who don’t abort. God is not a badge of honor someone wears to make him or herself feel better. It was a choice this woman made and her perception was that she was aborting a ‘potential life’ and a fetus. If you feel so strongly to not abort, than don’t. But don’t call this woman ‘murderer’ and ‘baby-killer’. She clearly outlined her reasons for getting an abortion and it was with her and her daughter’s best interest in mind. Getting an education, providing adequet and quality nutrition, raising her alone without the help of a man AND under her parents’ roof. It was not a decision she took lightly as a form or birth control or any other means. Funny thing is…the majority of you calling her names (which shows your level of maturity) would be the same ones to no-doubtedly look down on her and shake her head – “Divorced. Pregnant by another man. Living off her parents with two children”. She made a decision to be autonomous and independent. She has to be the provider for her child, no one else. I don’t presume to know all of your political beliefs or your religious affiliations but I don’t know that the majority of Pro-Lifers tend to be Republicans. And I find it beyond hypocritical how the majority of Republicans cry for smaller gov’t, less taxation of the middle and upper class for the benefit of the lower class, less tax payer’s money to welfare, etc. Yet we want to deride this woman for having an abortion. She chose not to bring a child into the world that she couldn’t adequatey provide for. Instead of dumping her child into the fostercare system or having tax payer’s pay for her children to eat she took matters into her own hands. For the record, anyone can get pregnant using birth control and abortions are no new fad to appease feminists and cut down on world population. Abortions have been performed since ancient Egypt. So clearly, there is a need for abortions and women have been wanting them from the dawn of time. Therefore regardless of protestors, Pastors, or otherwise women who want abortions because of any reason (single-parent, teen pregnancy, can’t provide for the child, raped, incest) is going to do it regardless of whether it’s legally sanctioned or not. So since, I don’t want women dying at the edge of wire hangers or in back alleys where abortions were performed under sub-par conditions…I’m going to have to vote Pro-Choice. Regardless of the fact that I doubt I would ever choose to get an abortion for myself. I’m still working out my own beliefs as to whether I feel it is a child or a woman should abort. All I know is that women will abort – legal or not. And one woman sharing her candid story, shouldn’t make her vulnerable to a barrage of verbal attacks. ‘Baby-killer’ – come on what is that? Are we all fifth graders here? God loves all, and regardless of whether or not you think someone else is a ‘sinner’…are you less of a sinner for judging and piling on guilt and pain? Regardless of whether you think someone is the vilest of all sinners – didn’t Jesus eat with corrupt government officials and hookers (not that I’m comparing Pro-Choice advocates to such)…But in your own Christian zealousness – doesn’t it go against Jesus’ teachings and all your moral beliefs to unintelligently berate another with insults? Educate yourself on true religious teaching or decide not to use it as a basis for future arguments. Thank you, Jen, for sharing this open and honest account of the difficult choice a woman had to face and one that made with resolve and logic for her circumstances. Much love, and God bless.
Jesus did change the lives of hookers and tax collectors. Then they became blessed.
It’s not just ancient Egypt. Women from many cultures all over the world – Africa, Australia, America, Britain, Asia, Europe etc – would gather a combination of toxic plants which, if prepared properly, would induce miscarriage. This was practiced for tens of thousands of years during times of extended drought or other hardships if the baby would have a low chance of survival due to lack of food and other resources; and also in nomadic cultures the clan would usually have to be on the move during those times, and a pregnancy would impair the woman’s ability to travel. In those situations, the well-being of the woman was the most important consideration. When times improved, she would be ready to conceive and bear healthy children; rather than having her life endangered by a pregnancy during times of starvation – likely to end in miscarriage anyway – or expending her valuable time and energy caring for a sickly infant which would probably not survive. Most of the time she would have children already, and it was important that she keep herself alive and in decent health to care for them effectively. In modern times, resources and maternal health are still the main consideration when a woman terminates an unwanted pregnancy. All that aside, I have never had an abortion, but I know women who have, and I keep my opinions to myself. It’s none of my damn business.
To God Loves All and Zoe…well said, well spoken and thank Kami for actual, intelligent, ACCURATE comments!! I may not be Christian, but I DO admire those who actually do their homework and walk the walk, not just spew the vitriol.
I myself would never have an abortion, it would wear on my soul. Maybe it is better this young lady got one, if she would have treated her new baby like a burden who was holding her back. Now her baby is with God, who will love it like she couldn’t, despite what some people say, I believe it’s a baby. You can say embryo, fetus, zygote, whatever medical term you can come up with. If left alone a beautiful child comes out in nine months. Anywho, I have seen too much in the news of abusive parents, or killing parents, maybe this is better for all in the long run.
To the author of this article: What if your wrong? What if you would’ve loved your second child as much as your daughter? What if it would’ve been worth it to go through an extra few hard years before being in the same place you are now? What if you could see your daughter playing with this sibling and enjoying the benefits that come from having a brother or a sister. Can you imagine your daughter and giving her the joy of being a big sister? If ending this pregnancy, with pain and a “blood clot” was a good choice, how much better would it have been to end it with pain and a baby. If I’m wrong, then I have wasted much time in my own life, trying to defend the unborn AND their mothers. But if your wrong…if all pro-abortionists are wrong…then this generation has slaughtered more innocent lives than any other.
You’re wrong. You’re not your. And you’re also WRONG. I’s not a matter of it taking a few extra years, it’s a matter of never being in the same place she is now because an extra kid means three times the time, money and issues. And, the idea that abortion rates picked up AFTER abortion became legal is incorrect. Countries that have no legal abortions options have roughly the same number of abortions, they simply have A LOT more death of women. Keep it legal, keep it accessible, keep it safe.
If I was a woman who had submitted to a procedure which resulted in the life of my unborn child being ripped, torn, vacuumed, from my body I would feel it was indeed something of great importance. Maybe more important then correcting grammer?
You should probably also correct your language. It’s a fetus, not a child. And in most cases (something like 80% of all abortions) there isn’t so much tearing as passing a teensy blod clot. But you guys are as concerned with facts as you are with women’s lives–that is to say not at all.
ok. let’s just go with the vacuumed if that makes you feel better?
Nope, no vacuumed either. God, you guys are like allergic to the truth aren’t you. I guess if you had to acknowledge facts it would make you realize how incredibly ridiculous your stance is. Thank goodness lies work so well for you, like that whole “pro-life” thing.
Jen, If I may ask you a very bold question. Do you feel that you have a soul?
And I know you do… when did you choose to enter your blood clot? When did your soul become worthy of making it to the next rounds?
How do you know wat Jen feels about the existance of souls? Or anyone else, for that matter? This is America. It is unconstitutional to set policy based on religious beliefs. If your best argument for your position is that an embryo has a soul, then your argument is completely invalid in the eyes of public policy. Feel free to pray for whomever & whatever you choose, though.
BTW, why has everyone decided to make their username “Jen?” Is it an attempt to dig at her, or humiliate her? If so, that’s even weaker than your anti-choice arguments.
You ignorant twit…read the US constitution….if you must. You will find the word GOD several times. Amen
From http://www.usconstitution.net:
It has often been seen on the Internet that to find God in the Constitution, all one has to do is read it, and see how often the Framers used the words “God,” or “Creator,” “Jesus,” or “Lord.” Except for one notable instance, however, none of these words ever appears in the Constitution, neither the original nor in any of the Amendments. The notable exception is found in the Signatory section, where the date is written thusly: “Seventeenth Day of September in the Year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and Eighty seven”. The use of the word “Lord” here is not a religious reference, however. This was a common way of expressing the date, in both religious and secular contexts. This lack of any these words does not mean that the Framers were not spiritual people, any more than the use of the word Lord means that they were. What this lack of these words is expositive of is not a love for or disdain for religion, but the feeling that the new government should not involve itself in matters of religion. In fact, the original Constitution bars any religious test to hold any federal office in the United States.
My bad regardless you are a Godless twit. Look at the US currency if you have any left after all your abortions that is. IN GOD WE TRUST is on there I think,
Yes, it is there, along with E Pluribus Unum. What’s your point?
Carrie and the author, I applaud you for being upfront about your experiences.
I saw this at a rally once, a young girl with a placard standing next to an old man with a pro-life placard. It made my day.
“it’s easy to be pro-choice when you aren’t the one being killed”
“it’s easy to be pro-life when you aren’t the one being pregnant”
@Jen Civility goes out the door when your talking about murdering your young. Just because its not against the law doesn’t mean its right. So killing Jews in holocaust was fine because it wasn’t against the law? That is life in the womb its murder.
How sick how about stop having sex with random men or get your tubes tied. Its nice to know murdering your child work out for you. Nice to know money means more than your child’s life.
Jen,
PP cares about the money all the woman bring in, that’s the be all and end of all of their “caring for woman”….It’s amazing how you would disregard all the women who actually worked at PP or were abortionists themselves who have left there and said that PP is nothing but a money hungry death-loving business. You are obviously one of those woman who is quite happy to find any excuse for having dealt with them and will defend them tooth and nail because you wanted what you got, you weren’t left hospitalized etc because you were rushed into a life changing decision.
If PP cared soooo much about women wouldn’t they then not abort female babies? Wouldn’t they then not even offer abortion as the first choice to a so called “problem” and instead offer counseling and other CHOICES?
I also find it funny how any other choice a person chooses that is not abortion is not considered a choice to you.
I sure as hell do give a damn about women, while i’ll be shocked to find a pro-”choice” person giving a crap about anyone but themselves, as long as you get what you want right? As soon as someone says no to you all you do is throw a tantrum and say the same childish things over and over again.Women hater..that’s honestly your best argument and you don’t even have any good reasoning behind it…
I did not disregard the deaths caused by anyone, I just added that pro-choicers have killed people too, but of course you won’t comment on that will you? I did not say I approve of killing, I don’t approve of the violence either, by anyone whatsoever.
But yeah, as long as you have someone you think is trying to “control” you then you get all uppity about it, if you are so obsessed with having control over your own body then how about having a little self-control first.
Pro Life is not about finding excuses to argue with people or getting pissy about anything we don’t like happening…we aim to educate people and help protect the lives of innocent young babies who had no part in making the mistakes you make, we don’t force our beliefs on anyone, no pro-life person is trying to force jesus or God on you lot as you all so often claim we do…all we are trying to accomplish is getting a little common sense into the heads of people who clearly don’t have any
I’m done arguing with you because you are obviously a liar and a jerk. The only reason I am responding at all is to tell everyone reading this: Do NOT believe this person. PP is a wonderful, women-positive organization. They offer FREE pre- and post-natal care and FREE Ob-gyn services to make sure women and their children are healthy. When you enter a PP with an unplanned pregnancy you receive counseling from medical professionals (not people lacking even a high school education, like with those anti-choice vans) about ALL your options. They give you information about adoption, information about organizations that provide services for young parents without financial resources and information about abortions. They take pains to make certain that whatever decision a woman makes is her CHOICE and they fully support that choice regardless of what it is.
I have NEVER met a pro-choice person who has railed against a woman for choosing to carry a pregnancy to term. I’ve met plenty of anti-choice who have called any woman who has terminated a pregnancy–for any reason–every name in the book. They threaten violence. Nix openly admitted that (s)he doesn’t care about anti-choicers murdering abortion providers and women who receive abortions. Violence is their bread and butter and anti-choice groups make WAY WAY WAY more money for their leaders than PP and other abortion providers that actually provide services for women in need.
Hey Jen you killed your baby….deal with it and shut your baby killing mouth.
“Shut your baby-killing mouth” How eloquent and refined. How persuasive. How intelligent. I think…I think I’ve just changed my entire perspective on abortion with those simple words!!
Wait…no. Sorry. I still believe women have the right to make their own medical decisions without the rest of the world weighing in.
Go JEN!! *blows Jen kisses*
Refined as in ripping a baby apart? LOL let’s hope you don’t procreate . Let’s stop the damaged dna from reproducing. Precious girls who have CHOSEN to kill your babies. You know you can’t sleep at night no matter how much you try to convince yourself you did nothing wrong. Blowing you a kiss Talon.
How my abortion made me a murderer.
“By new name for article
How my abortion made me a murderer.”
I’m sorry to correct you again, as I understand your capacity for comprehension is limited, but I must point out that the author cannot, by definition be a murderer. Murder is illegal. Abortion is not.
I am sorry if you cannot understand that, it is the simplest way I could think of to explain it.
Peace to you.
Hmmm. I wonder where my other reply went. Well, it is a big, busy site. If it doesn’t show up later, I’ll merely re-write it and re-post it.
Talon- we will await your comment in breathless anticipation.
Hell, where does a person begin here….I’d first like to comment on those stats of apparent crimes that Pro-lifers have been involved in….right so a few got crazy and got a bit violent. It’s funny how the fact that Pro-choice people kill over 3000 people a day just in the US alone was left out oh so conveniently , oh and I find it funny how it was left out how violent and rude and just unnecessary Pro-choice people can get as well. Yeah we all go a bit crazy to fight for the things we believe in and it’s not acceptable for either side to go around killing each other when all it takes is a little bit of common sense and understanding – from both sides sometimes. I’ve heard pro choice women refer to the child they were pregnant with as an ALIEN, right, so unless you had SEX WITH AN ALIEN you cannot be pregnant with one, from the moment of conception you are pregnant with a human life form – you can argue oh its a clump of cells, but what are we made of it not cells? The cells we are made of makes up people, makes us human. Oh yeah, when you really get down to it, religion has bugger all to do with whether you are pro life or not, I’m pro life and you know what? I refuse to be part of any religion whatsoever but that doesn’t mean that I suddenly need to lack all common sense and go around killing babies. A life is a life, no matter what age. Saying you are a great and fantastic mother because you killed your 2nd child so your first could be more spoilt is well, just utterly ridiculous. You were young but not that young and naive that you didn’t know what unprotected sex leads to, when will woman just take some damn responsibility for their selfish need to fornicate stupidly whenever they get the chance. If you loved your daughter so much you would have put her first, not your sex life. Yeah you deserve relationships but mature one’s that don’t threaten to destroy any part of your life. While we can all call each other names, it doesn’t solve the problem in the end that adoption agencies aren’t doing their job, PP refers maybe one mother for an adoption for every 400 odd abortions they provide, abortion is their business, it’s what makes them money so they honestly do not give a crap about why you are coming for one or if you just want some helpful advice. The whole point is that we live in a society with a culture that say’s you can just get away with being selfish, irresponsible and quite honestly it makes it all to easy for people with these traits to go around destroying what inconveniences them even slightly. Abortion is the cowards way out no matter the situation, don’t want to burden other people with your silly decisions? then think before you act, it’s not that hard..really
Where to begin here. Please, please, please stop burdening the world with your inaccurate, hateful lies. PP is the most caring, kind organization I have ever had the pleasure to deal with. Unlike anti-choicers they actually care about women.
I am glad of one thing, your casual dismissal of the deaths caused by anti-choicers just proves exactly what we’ve been saying all along. You are NOT “pro-life” as you all try and claim, you are anti-women through and through. Stop pretending otherwise.
Conrats on taking the easy way out. You wanted just the one child? it’s called birth control. You messed up and didn’t want to claim responsibility? I, along with many other infertile women, would have gladly given that BABY a home. yes, I said it. BABY, not blood clots.
You being infertile is NOT someone else’s responsibility. If you really want to give a child–not a fetus–a home there are already a ton languishing in the foster care system in the USA and in orphanages the world over. Forcing a woman into continuing a pregnancy that could damage her health and destroy her ability to care for her (actual, existing) child is selfish and quite frankly not the kind of mentality I would want to see from a potential adoptive parent anyway.
“I, along with many other infertile women, would have gladly given that BABY a home. yes, I said it. BABY, not blood clots.” You silly ingrate, adaption agencies are over flooded with babies for women like you who are infertile. Who are you to judge if it was a “child” or “potential to become a child”. Get outta here with your “My beliefs are right and I know it for sure because i’m perfect” BS. You don’t know nothing about anything beyond this physical reality. Get a life! Enough Said
I am a infertile woman and I would love to have a child and most likely will adopt one day. That being said, I AM pro choice!
I am 15 years old and pregnant. My boyfriend of two years has moved in and we have started a family. I’m working 2 jobs, plus my core classes at school and I have the most loving and supportive family and parents in the entire world. Do you know why? My mom had me when she was seventeen. She had me three days before her junior graduation test. She went to summer school. She broke up with my daddy because he had a drug problem, so she was all alone. By herself. She now has 1 other child and he is 8 years old and is super excited to be an uncle. My daddy has 3 other children with his wife and they are happy as can be. They are supportive too. My daddy was 16 when I was born. And you can’t get any better than that. So in all honesty the word “abortion” makes my heart hurt. My daughter, whom I am naming Kimberly (after her grandma) I can’t imagine living without her. I can’t do adoption either. I give full props to the women who make the selfless decision to give their babies a happier life, but not by killing them. How are you not thinking, today would have been her birthday? I would kill myself if I lost Kim. I love her do much and I would never do something to hurt her. But I guess the past is the past, and I’m glad you and your daughter are doing well.
Maybe we can all learn from Madison…while many people would be concerned about the outcome of being 15 and pregnant, she has made her decision based on her beliefs. She has acknowledged that she doesn’t share the authors beliefs. Yet she has the civility to show kindness to the author!! Imagine a world where we all did this! Kudos to the author for sharing her story, without shame. We all need to be able to make the decisions that we need to make.
You are a despicable human being.I have a GREAT idea, you don’t want a kid? DON’T HAVE SEX!!!!!! What kind of person are you to be having sex with some man so soon after your divorce while taking care of a baby? You obviously aren’t spending ALL of your time looking for a job if you had time to get knocked up again! If you didn’t want the Child because that’s what you KILLED, a child, then you should have giver her/him up for adoption. Don’t tell me it had the POTENTIAL to be a baby, he/she had a heart beat. And SHAME SHAME on you for acting like KILLING a baby made you a better parent. I hope the only role model you are for your daughter is what NOT to be like when she gets older!!! You made CHOICE to have sex so you should deal with what happens after that! You can’t CHOOSE to kill a child! And you want to talk about women’s rights? What about the man’s right? what if he had decided he wanted the baby? Would you have killed her/him anyways? What if he didn’t want it but you decided to have it anyways and go after him for child support? So exactly where does the man get the right to “choose” or have rights? You have the right to NOT have sex when you have a 9 month old baby at home you are SO worried about feeding and taking care of. You have the RIGHT to use birth control pills and condoms which are available free at your local health department! I bet all you freaking liberals would be MORTIFIED if I gave an abortion pill to my dog or killed her puppies because I couldn’t afford to take care of them. Grow up! and realize if something has a heartbeat it is ALIVE and you KILLED it!!!!!!!!
I think that people need to understand that getting an abortion is a personal decision. Whether someone’s mom or themselves got through a “much more difficult situation” and became great mothers is besides the point. Not getting an abortion was the right decision for you. Getting one was the right decision for Miss Kingsleigh. Just as I wish people would respect my decision not to get an abortion or give my child up for adoption, I respect the decision of the women who decide to get an abortion.
I applaud any woman who has the courage to speak so clearly about abortion. So congratulations to the author.
Patricia,
You might as well be applauding Casey Anthony for killing her daughter (I don’t care if she got away with it) and every other mother who has done so because it was no longer conveniant to be a mom. Please tell me how a 6 week old baby WITH a heart beat is any different than a 6 year old child with a heartbeat!
Brave, so brave. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Brave : To Endure or face (unpleasant conditions or behavior) without showing fear: “we had to brave the heat”.
There is nothing brave about murdering your own child.
She’ll have to be brave too when when she tells her other child that she killed their sibling so they can have a big house. Greed breeds desperation.
This is a very sad story. For the author to have found herself in such a predicament is heartbreaking. But aborting one child to care for another child doesn’t make one a better mother. May the author’s son, whose life was extinguished before he could even see the light of day, rest in peace and may other women who find themselves with unplanned pregnancies choose life.
Ann,
You are despicable. I wish YOUR parents would have taken advantage of their right to choose. If you get mad at that, you’re a hypocrite. A REAL MAN would take care of his woman and help her raise their baby, not pay to have it torn apart. You are trying to turn selfishness and materialism into a virtue. You cannot give me one good reason why not to give your child up for adoption rather than killing it. You are not God, but you believe you are because you think it’s your right to decide who lives and dies.
Such a great comment. Bless you… You have restored my faith in humanity.
Annnnnd this comment accurately sums up exactly why the “pro life” movement is such a crock of shit.
214 days ago
[...] through Facebook, I saw a link to an article called “How My Abortion Made Me a Better Mother.” If I could only use one work to describe how I felt after reading it, it would be sad. [...]
This story made me sick to my stomach. I can’t understand this method of thinking. My mother was in a FAR worse situation when she got pregnant with me. I mean FFAARR worse situation. Against what most of her family and friends wanted for her, she chose to have me. Now, she is a granmother to three AMAZING children and we are BEST friends. I thank her all the time for making the difficult choice to have me. Yes, sometimes another child makes things a bit tougher in the short run (when the pregnancy wasn’t expected), but I can’t imagine ever saying an abortion was a good decision. I can’t imagine being proud of my decision to end the life growing inside of me – a life that was there only because of actions I had willingly taken. Choosing the hard decision of abortion doesn’t make you a stronger woman – deciding to take responsibility for your actions,having that baby, and being a good mother would make you strong.
215 days ago
[...] through Facebook, I saw a link to an article called “How My Abortion Made Me a Better Mother.” If I could only use one work to describe how I felt after reading it, it would be sad. [...]
216 days ago
[...] de 2011 (Notifam) – El 13 de septiembre de 2011, Ann Kingsleigh publicó un artículo titulado “How My Abortion Enabled Me to Be a Better Mother (Cómo mi aborto me ha permitido ser una mejor madr… “Ella confiesa detalladamente cómo, a los 24 años de edad, ya con un hijo de corta edad, se [...]
216 days ago
[...] de 2011 (Notifam) – El 13 de septiembre de 2011, Ann Kingsleigh publicó un artículo titulado “How My Abortion Enabled Me to Be a Better Mother (Cómo mi aborto me ha permitido ser una mejor madr… “Ella confiesa detalladamente cómo, a los 24 años de edad, ya con un hijo de corta edad, se [...]
216 days ago
[...] (Notifam) – El 13 de septiembre de 2011, Ann Kingsleigh publicó un artículo titulado “How My Abortion Enabled Me to Be a Better Mother (Cómo mi aborto me ha permitido ser una mejor madr… “Ella confiesa detalladamente cómo, a los 24 años de edad, ya con un hijo de corta edad, se [...]
This story just made me sad. It made me sick to my stomach. In my opinion, the bottom line is, if you aren’t able to care for another child, DON’T HAVE SEX. Yes, I know it must be hard, but have some self control and be responsible. Getting pregnant and having a child growing in you is a miracle and a gift from God that should not be thrown away. It just makes me sad. I too have had trouble getting pregnant for 7 years now and even though I KNOW that it’s not right for me to feel this way, it really makes me mad when teenagers get pregnant the first time they have sex or adults get pregnant even while they are on birth control and use condoms. I just don’t understand it. Why would God give me the desire to have children, but yet am unable to produce them. And then other people DON’T want children but they can get pregnant just by looking at a penis. I’m not saying it’s right for me to feel this way, just venting I guess.
Valerie, it sounds like you are very frustrated and hurt by your situation. I think it is healthy to vent, but it doesn’t seem productive to direct blame at those people who become pregnant accidentally. Do you maybe have any access to support groups for people dealing with infertility, near you or online?
How very sad. Imagine that this article were written by my Mom who certainly did not have an easy life. I would not be here. My wife and kids would never know me. The fact is, it is a life and science now makes that hard to dispute. If it is a life then we can only mourn that a life was lost. That life could have been MLK or Lincoln or any number of leaders who have changed our lives. Even if that life was not a famous leader, it is still a life. It is still my kid’s Dad or my Wife’s husband. I do not think this person should be condemned but they also should not try to make it a positive thing. Can I post on an SPCA site that euthanizing a cat was great for my neighborhood? Probably not. I just think that we should at least have the same level of respect for human life as we do the life of a cat. I wonder what would happen if I called a vet clinic and asked where my cat can have an abortion because I just can’t handle another kid?
Valerie,
It is completely normal for you to feel that way. I’m sorry you have had such a hard time getting pregnant. Maybe the reason God has not given you your own child is because there is a baby out there waiting for you to adopt him/her. I know it is not the same and I can’t say I understand what you are going through since I got pregnant and had two very healthy children. But I have to believe God has a plan for all of us and does things for a reason. I hate there are people out there like the author of this article and the sad thing is she already has a child she is providing a horrible example for. I’m sure it was very hard for you to read something like this. I hope you are blessed soon with a child whether it is through pregnancy or adoption.
It would be nice if this topic didn’t get so heated so quickly. Maybe if we could respectfully share opinions, even when they differ, we could understand each other’s point of view better. Even if we never agree (but who knows, you might even change someone’s view)
I personally wouldn’t ever decide to have an abortion but that’s my choice. I understand completely many of the issues that are behind the choice to have an abortion. I am a single mom of 3 and had my first while still a teenager so I understand completely the lack of support some women face, the worry about how to afford to raise a child, the worry about finishing school or getting a job, about lack of childcare, the stigma that comes with having a baby alone or too young. and about 10 million other worries that come with an unplanned pregnancy. For me and my life, all of the sacrifices I have made have been worth it and I would do it over again if I had the choice. My kids are happy, healthy and have everything they need including the option of furthering their education when they are old enough. I may not be able to take them to Disney World but I don’t think that’s necessary for raising a child properly.
I do have questions though. First is for people who are saying things like “if you choose to open your legs then you better be prepared to take care of a baby”. Why do you so strongly think that if you make a baby you must raise a baby? You don’t ever mention adoption. Do you think adoption is wrong too? Many happy families have been brought together through adoption.
The second is an adoption question for those who see abortion as the only viable option. I’m sure many of the women who’ve chosen abortion HAVE considered adoption and opted the way they did for one reason or another. I’m just curious what some of those reason are. The person who wrote this didn’t mention if it was considered and why it wasn’t the best option. Nine months isn’t *that* long and if your first baby is only 9 months old she wouldn’t even have to know you were pregnant.
I know it’s really none of my business but I am curious and I am asking respectfully without attacking anyone or aggressively pushing my personal belief. I know people who were adopted, who have adopted, who have given a baby for adoption, I also know several who have had abortions, but this is something that I rarely have been able to ask and when I have asked the only answer I’ve gotten is “I don’t know”.
@Gans Kerensa: I can’t speak for the post’s author, but I can give you some insight into my decision to have an abortion. I’ll first note that I’m only doing so because you actually sound fairly respectful and interested and I’ll be exceptionally disappointed if that turns out to be false. I was nineteen when I got pregnant and a Freshman in college when I got an abortion. I actually found out about my pregnancy before I had even missed one period because of how completely incapacitating my morning sickness was. I was literally unable to eat or drink anything and after two days I was dangerously dehydrated. I had also missed six classes and would miss another week and a half worth (even on medication the symptoms were only lessened enough to prevent me from needing a constant fluid IV; I still could barely move) before having my abortion. As a side note, when I was pregnant with my now nearly four year old daughter I had NO symptoms of pregnancy, but I did develop a blod clot that nearly killed me and led to me being unable to leave my bed for two months. The point of all this is that it’s not just nine months of getting a little tummy. It’s nine months of having hell wreaked on your body and there is not really any way to tell what that will mean for you until you go through it–even if you’ve already been pregnant before.
I will tell you that Planned Parenthood made my options very clear. They offered to help me find resources that would assist me if I decided to continue my pregnancy and choose either adoption or to raise a baby. There was no pressure from anyone to go with abortion and there was a lot of emphasis on making sure I was totally comfortable with the choice and that I hadn’t felt pressured into making it by anyone in my life. While every woman has her own story, my choice was well informed on all the options and I did what was best for me. I have never regretted it and I can honestly say I am certain I would not have the wonderful family I have today if I had chosen differently then.
Jen, it’s interesting you say Planned Parenthood made sure you were well informed and offered support no matter what your choice was. I think many people who are pro-life have the opinion that because Planned Parenthood does offer advice on abortion that it is ALL they promote. Whatever choice a woman makes it should be made with all information at hand. I think both sides can agree there, at least.
Not only did they provide the information, they offered tangible help. If I had made the choice to continue the pregnancy the counselor would have assisted me in finding all the resources (adoption agencies, funds for paying for baby stuff, special doctors). PP is a wonderful resource for any woman dealing with an unplanned pregnancy no matter what choice they make.
Jen,
It sounds to me like your body just not handle pregnancy very well. Not EVERYONE has such a horrible time when pregnant. SO it is not 9 months of having hell wreaked on your body. The woman who wrote this article is just a sorry excuse for human being for not taking care of her responsibilities which included not only her 9 month old daughter but the CHILD she was pregnant with.
I know this is a radical thought ….but maybe these women are actually not murdering their babies….it is the abortionist. that yields the actual power to kill and takes payment to do so. We are ALL responsible for the blood spilled. The people we vote for to make these laws are directly tied to every voting eligible citizen in this country. If you are pro-life put your money where your mouth is and vote for lawmakers who can and will make changes. Otherwise you are a baby killer too by proxy.
wow. you are scary. you have no idea how that pregnancy was going to turn out. It was an embryo when it was aborted. How do you know it would grow, or go to term, or not have any disabilities. it wasn’t a baby, never was and never will be.
I am not going to argue with you becauise it is impossible to argue with people who hold an irrational point of view. I DO thank god that we as women have freedom of choice now. Personally, I probably wouldn’t have an abortion, but I certainly wouldn’t want to live in a society where I had NO choice.
I would like to make a time machine and go back and get your mom to abort you. You are annoying.
Dear Not Anna:
How VERY Christian of you!
222 days ago
[...] a link to Ann Kingsleigh’s post entitled, “How My Abortion Enabled Me To Be A Better Mother.” Reader discretion should be advised. It’s horrific, but it’s also a real [...]
LOL at you people talking about “I’m so happy we have abortion rights, I don’t know what I would do if I was forced to become a mother at a certain time.” My only question to you is…who was FORCING you to lay on your back and open your legs? I don’t care how much birth control your on, or what brand of condoms you use. If you are having sex there is ALWAYS a chance you can conceive. If you’re going to have sex, you better be prepared to take care of a child.
As for Ann, let’s just be glad your mother didn’t feel the same way about abortion you do. Due to that fact, the world is actually able to hear your sick, twisted, deceptive story of how this procedure has allowed you to be a “better mother” to Kiddo. Good thing she was born when she was, or else she wouldn’t have been around either. You have gotten your foot in the door, and now you’re making great money. With the way the economy is, let’s hope you still have your job. (Quite a few CFO’s, making $250,000+ in their respective positions, have been laid off in recent years). Money doesn’t last forever. Was it worth it? You could very easily go back to living paycheck to paycheck again. That would suck, wouldn’t it? The only thing worse than that is the fact that you wouldn’t have another “bloodclot” to blame your issues one.
Finally, since this article is your argument for how abortion helped you to become a better Mother, please write another article on how your child reacts when you tell them that you killed their sibling in order to provide for that child and make more money. I’m sure she’d be thrilled….unless she doesn’t have a heart like momma.
Have a good day
Did you read the article? I’m pretty sure her mother DOES feel the same way as she does, since she took her to the appointment and cared for her and babysat Kiddo while she was taking the medicine.
@Cat, not sure if that is as much an indicator of her mom agreeing with abortion as it is her just wanting to be supportive of her daughter.
@sosad alot of women are pro-choice, ie support abortion, and yet they have kids.
I’m not sure how its revalant. Even if her mom agrees that women have a right to aboriton it doesn’t mean she herself has to partake in it.
By your logic, no “pro-lifer” would ever get an abortion. Which isn’t true at all: http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-tales.html
As someone who has been trying to get pregnant for the past 8 months and has thusfar been completely unsuccessful, I just want to say that…. that has absolutely nothing to do with the abortion debate. So fellow TTCers, stop bringing it up as if it’s relevant.
Ann, I am so glad that you live in a time and place that abortion is a safe and legal option for you, and I am so glad that you were able to make the decision that was the best for you and your family. I wish you and Kiddo nothing but the best.
@ Cat- a safe and legal option for you would be to NEVER conceive as you do not have the maternal instinct necessary for the job.
Well, when what you have done does hit you – and it will sure will – because noone can dismember and destroy her own child and get away with it – remember, there will be forgiveness, because God, who created the poor little thing you killed, also created you and will be willing to take you back, if you repent. And the little baby that died in pain will also forgive you. But please do not tell this horrible story again – it is not a good example my dear, to kill a baby is not a good thing to do, nor it is good to be immitated.
embryo. not child. a bundle of cells, not an independent life form. get over yourself.
I read this article a few days ago and was appalled at the comments. I came back to see if the flames were still burning, and lo and behold.
Do I agree with abortion? No. Is it my place to harass the women commenting on this article because they believe differently than I do? No. I believe the way I do for a reason, and quite frankly it’s none of anyone’s business. But I’m not going to sit here and call out other women because they did something that they felt they should do. If you just remove yourself from the situation and read through the comments here, you’d see how nasty we are to each other. And we wonder why society is the way it is today?
I’m ashamed of the women on here that can’t tolerate each others opinions. People disagree with you, every day, whether you like it or not. That’s life, ladies. It’s no reason to start harassing people, calling them whores or slut-shamers, brood mares or baby killers. No side is better than the other here, because both sides are guilty of it. As long as you live what you believe to be a happy, moral life, you shouldn’t give a damn about what other people say to or about you. Especially if they don’t know you from Sam.
Anyway, that’s my .02. And I’ll probably get called out for it, but whatever. It is what it is, and quite frankly I don’t give a damn.
Crimes Committed by Abortion Protesters in the United States and Canada, 1977-2006
(also known as “Cool pro-life story, bros!”)
7 murders
17 attempted murders
52 bombings
180 arsons
89 invasions
1,211 incidents of vandalism
1,341 trespasses
100 acid attacks
655 anthrax threats
146 cases of assault and battery
375 death threats
3 kidnappings
96 burglaries
480 cases of stalking
One in five clinics experiences blockades, invasions, arsons, bombings, chemical attacks, stalking, gunfire, physical assaults, threats of bombs, death or arson.
So, Pro-lifers, how many of you have had all this committed against you by pro-choicers?
I’m ashamed of all of you, for trying to shame and make women feel bad for their choice. Because that is what they made- A FUCKING CHOICE!
Stop trying to bring God into this, because I’m pretty fucking sure He wouldn’t want his name brought into this. Talk about hypocritis.
(source: This Common Secret, which cites the Feminist Majority Foundation for these statistics)
Talking about God and swearing in the same sentence.. Classy!
Let’s see – put your stats up against the 50 million dead babies – more than half dead black babies. I guess you win – you’re the bigger terrorist. Congrats!
225 days ago
[...] you always think of others, now you need to think about yourself.” What they meant was get an abortion. I had other friends offer to take me to the clinic themselves. This all sounded very tempting to a [...]
i guess as such a good parent and you and him talked about it as he blew his load in you what if i get pregnante oooo well it all would have been so much easer if you would have used protection i guess not all adults have brains your like oo i dont like to do it with condom’s but hay we can just go kill this baby inside me ooooo wait thats right its not a baby right ladies its just a ball of cells lol….you all make me laugh i could not kill nothing and and i guess if your all prochoice here my choice is to not murder my babies…..
Lemme put it this way: Those of you who support forcing people to raise children they don’t want are just as guilty of the child abuse and murder that often follows.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unintended_pregnancy
http://www.aafp.org/afp/990315ap/1577.html
You’re not just “punishing” the woman for getting pregnant: often you’re sentencing the poor child to a life of suffering, poverty or even death.
Everyone who doesn’t subscribe to your beliefs and sees you bashing others for their choices sees right through you- you are only “advocating for the child” because it makes YOU feel better. You don’t actually care about the welfare of the parent or child or else you’d also support more initiatives to cover health and child care while helping the parents get a good education and/or job. But you don’t, so you only come from a position of moral superiority.
Not to mention according to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, it’s wrong to either force a woman to have an abortion or to carry to term a pregnancy she does not want. So good job being criminals and monsters who hate women and children.
Its called ADOPTION!
hello-o-o-o!
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I’m sorry some of your readers are so small-minded. I’m sorry they think your life and your daughters life should matter less than a non-viable fetus. We allow anti-choicers to decide against abortion. They should leave their morality off of others. Thanks again.
I am infertile and desparately want to have children.
Every month I hope and every month I cry as I realize my period has come.
Can you not understand how this story breaks my heart….
@karla
Its called ADOPTION!
hello-o-o-o!
@ Karla:
Boo hoo. Too bad for you. Other women are not your brood mares, and you really have no right to be heartbroken over a pregnancy that has zero impact on your life, good or bad.
Get over yourself. No, I cannot understand why “this story breaks my heart…” My son DIED and I had infertility issues. It would break my heart and enrage me if this woman had been forced to carry this pregnancy to term against her will at the behest of “people” like you. I have ZERO sympathy for ANYONE who pulls the “infertility” card in response as to why abortion should be illegal.
You have, instead, my contempt. Enjoy your period. Some women don’t even get that satisfaction.
Talon… just stuff it. I feel bad for you, because it seems like the only joy you get out of your days is being a harassing bitch to women online. Seriously, go outside and get a breath of fresh air. It might help your psychosis.
@Carrie: Nicely played
@ Carrie:
BRAVA!! *applauds wildly*
@ Bev: You first, sweetheart.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are not too dragged down by the negativity coming from many of the commenters, especially the ones who consider themselves Christians. I didn’t think Christians were supposed to harbor so much hate.
Hoping for the best for you and Kiddo. Stay strong.
Have you read the article “Mom: Killing My Baby in Abortion Made Me a Better Mother” at LifeNews.com by Jennifer Schmidt? It was prompted by this posting and circulated to many.
BAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!! I have to thank you for posting the info. That was the funniest, most ignorant, self-important, projecting pile of dung I’ve read in a LONG line of anti-choice excrement.
She has a very fitting surname.
baby killer
How very ironic!! You’re RIGHT! God IS a baby killer!! Good for you!! *pats “your are wrong” on the head*
Btw…you might maybe want to LOOK at what you type before you hit “Post Comment.”
Grammar Killer
(*You are wrong.)
“Better Mother” is a relative term for someone who does not adhere to a moral foundation. God WILL judge you for the murder of an innocent child. He WILL judge you and all those that encourage this derranged way of thinking. Your current way of thinking is morbid and I hope you repent and turn to Christ.
Be careful not to judge. God is the judge and we will all be judged by our love of others.
Ick. Disgusting.
THANK YOU!! I really think that says it all, Michelle. Some of the people posting in these comments ARE so disgusting! You go around judging others and pretending that your opinion is fact. You slut-shame and degrade other women from up on your pedestal when you do not know their circumstances. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” I’d like to know how perfect and pure you ladies are when you aren’t hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet.
I sincerely pray that you hateful people remove your blinders and see the truth. I pray that you stop using God as a weapon in your crusade to hurt others. I pray that you will come to Him and repent for your atrocious name-calling and wickedness.
Thank you for sharing your story, Ann. It’s courageous and I admire your voice when so many people are afraid to share their stories. I too had an abortion when I was 22. I had just graduated, moved to a city across the country from my family and started a new job when I met the man who I four years later I am still dating. Despite regularly taking my birth control, I wound up pregnant 4 months into the relationship. If it weren’t for Planned Parenthood and their support, I wouldn’t have been able to pursue my dreams and my aspirations to one day become a mother who can fully and readily support a family. It wasn’t an easy choice and is something I think about quite often. While my decision will never leave me, I find comfort in knowing I made the best decision for myself and am happy in knowing that you did as well. Wishing you and Kiddo all my best!
So sad.
So, if another person was preventing me from enjoying my life as I wanted it to be enjoyed, I should resort to killing that person? What is left of our society then – barbarism?
Is your lifestyle worth another person’s life? Especially your own child’s life?
Please don’t tell me it is legal to kill your child. It was legal to own black people once. So much for your legality. It is immoral and evil. I hope you understand what these words mean. You probably don’t.
Once again: It is ILLEGAL to kill your child. It is LEGAL to terminate your pregnancy. The law, science and common sense make a distinction and your specious argument is ridiculous.
I carried my unborn daughter during almost my entire pregnancy knowing she would die at birth at the same time as carring for my five other very young children (two of which are adopted). I felt her moving when she grew. I held her when she was born and held her in my arms as she passed away. I am so thankful that I was her mother. It is so confusing to me to think, that I gave my very sick baby unconditional love and nurtured her during those 9 months while there were others at planned parenthood aborting healthy babies. If that is the response of the “enlightened”, “educated”, and “unselfish” then I am thankful that I am not those things.
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I simply cannot understand how a person can dispose of a child like it is garbage, when there are so many women in this world that want desperately to have children and cannot do it, or have the heartbreaking experience of losing their child.
I would rather be uneducated and selfish and keep my baby and love it for eternity, rather than being “educated,” “unselfish,” and a murderer.
@Dee, @Molly: It’s NOT A CHILD. It’s at most a fetus (and usually an embryo). And Molly, I’m very sorry for your loss and I imagine your decision to continue on a pregnancy that you knew would result in death was very difficult. But realize this, forcing another woman to continue a pregnancy whether the embryo is healthy or terminally ill is NOT your decision. Being someone who choose to continue on with a pregnancy you knew wasn’t viable doesn’t give you moral superiority or some sort of otherworldly insight into what is right. It gives you an insight into grief and loss and that’s about it.
Nice, Jen… way to be a heartless bitch. Go abort yourself, now, since you’re such a fan of it.