Subscribe
Previous Post
Whenever a couple is struggling to get pregnant, one of the most frequent refrains they hear is, “Why don’t you just adopt?” Over and over again, family, friends and co-workers voice their curiosity on why two people need to have a child of their own. After all, it’s common knowledge that there are thousands of children waiting for loving families. These kids need a stable and caring home. It makes perfect sense. Just adopt.
And that thought process proves exactly how uneducated the majority of people are about adoption. Anyone who could use the phrase “just adopt” has never researched what goes into an adoption.
It’s true, there are children all over the world who need homes. And hundreds of thousands of amazing families open up their hearts and households to these kids every year. But I don’t think that any of those families would say they “just adopted.” They didn’t drive to a local law firm and pick a child out of a catalog.
Adoption is an intense, often complicated, extremely expensive and immensely rewarding process. It is not for the weak-willed or unsure. It’s not a substitution for having your own baby. Adoption is its own choice. It’s a brave, loving choice and it should never be considered as a back-up plan.
Here’s a little more about the process and how families can make the correct decision for themselves and their future children.
It’s interesting to read more specifics about the adoptions process, but I wonder, why is Lindsay writing this when she’s written before that she hasn’t ever and isn’t planning to adopt? I mean, yes, obviously it’s a complicated process. But it really does work for some families, so why wouldn’t a woman who’s actually gone through it write this piece? This seems to be from the perspective of someone who looked into adoption and decided against it for the logistical reasons. Yes, the logistical issues are certainly tough, but many people do it anyway. I just don’t get the point/perspective of this.
@RighToWorkMom, Congratulations on deciding to adopt and I hope the process runs smoothly for you. I’m not sure what you mean by speaking “fast and loose” about adoption. I’m a big proponent of adoption and think it’s wonderful. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise. What I don’t like is the “just adopt” crowd who have no idea of what it takes to adopt. It took us over a month just to get the paperwork together and a few months for the homestudy and then we had to take adoption classes and then the waiting period so it was more than 9 months. We adopted a newborn so I know that is a more expensive process than adopting an older child from state care. Also, had I given birth, my company would’ve given me a paid maternity leave but since I adopted, I had to take unpaid leave.
Adoption gave me my precious girl so I do not mean to dissuade anyone who would like to adopt. I think it’s great and no one should think it’s too difficult a process if they really want to adopt.
Martha, I may have been overly sensitive in my comment, but I don’t feel it was fair or prudent to say adoption is long/complicated/expensive as a catch-all summary. That’s what I meant when I said “fast and loose.” I submitted a story regarding my experiences so far, so perhaps they will publish the story here and you’ll see why my experience has been quite the opposite.
I’m also very happy for you that adoption has worked out so well for you and your family. You, your husband, and your daughter sound quite blessed!
While I dont think this article was saying adoption is bad or wrong, I have to agree with some of the other commentors on why Ms. Cross is writing it? Perhaps this site needs bios of the women giving advice/opinions because in Ms. Cross’s case Ive read her infertility articles (which are well written and informative) but then also seen her writings over in “Splitsville” talking about custody problems, when in the fertility column she references her AND her husbands daughter. Is it just me, or does this not make sense? I think as readers we would all just like to know who this women are and what their qualifications are even if they are only life experience ones
So what you’re saying is you’ve never adopted? Because that’s what your editorial introduction states pretty clearly. Congratulations on yet another article that seeks to steer families away from adopting. Really, your website must be so proud.
You really think adoption is oh, so intense and complicated? As opposed to what? Fertility treatments? Fertility testing? Complicated pregnancies? Bedrest and gestational diabetes? Emergency c-sections? Making choices about ultrasounds and amniocenteses? Sorry, but if the real reason a person isn’t becoming a parent via adoption is because it seems too “hard,” then they probably aren’t ready to become parents any other way either.
Actually, I am an adoptive parent and I think this article makes it seem way easier than it actually is. Adoption is a long and complicated process and has its own emotional ups and downs. I thought IVF was far easier in a lot of ways and much, much less expensive than adoption. I wouldn’t trade my little girl for anything but I don’t think we need to judge how people choose to build their families.
I agree with you Martha, that every family has it’s own special way of being built. I don’t like comparing them, because I feel like each is its own important decision. I wasn’t trying to say that one is more difficult or more simple. I think that adoption, IVF or simply getting pregnant are all complex processes. And they are all amazing, because they bring us beautiful children to love and care for.
RightToWork, I’m sorry if my intro made it seem like I was trying to dissuade people from adopting. I was trying to communicate that it’s not a second choice or a back-up. It’s an important and courageous decision that deserves its own respect. You’re right, I haven’t adopted a child. Although my husband and I have done a lot of research and are considering it as we try to grow our family. But I haven’t made it past step three at the moment.
To both of you, please write in and share your stories with us for “Home Is Where You Make It Week.” We would love to hear about your experience. Thanks for reading.
My husband and I are set to be licensed in the next few weeks. This website has made a pretty marked effort to make adoption seem like some insurmountable goal that couldn’t possibly take the place of pregnancy, and that isn’t true at all. I don’t know how you adopted or where, but the process is hugely different based on location, agency, demographics desired, and more.
I’m happy for you that you have successfully adopted and love your daughter, but I’m genuinely surprised that you would speak so fast and loose about adoption. Our licensing process has been surprisingly quick. The cost from start to finish will be under $2,000, and the state is willing to reimburse you based on the demographics of the child. We’ll have a waiting period while we wait for a child that fits our family and vice versa, but pregnancy takes a minimum of nine months – and that’s only if you get pregnant the first time you try. While we wait, I am still able to function completely without any extra wear and tear on my body. I will enjoy maternity leave from the first day because I won’t be recovering from childbirth. We’ll have difficulties, but unlike pregnancy we will receive a lot of information upfront about the difficulties associated with our prospective child.
Really, if your adoption was more expensive or more complicated, I’m guessing it’s due to the type of adoption you chose rather than the adoption itself. Obviously that’s just a guess.
@RightToWork, We have many stories about adoption coming this week that come both from readers and our editorial staff. In no way do we seek to discourage families from adopting, but rather address multiple viewpoints, experiences, and even fears regarding this very important decision.
If you’d like to share your adoption experience, we’d very much like to read it. Feel free to email me at koa@mommyish.com
Thanks you! Ms. Cross has never adopted, nor would she consider it (as she has stated). This, and many other articles suggest that people should not adopt. How about interviewing a lawyer who does family law? Social worker? Employee of an adoption agency? Anything but a woman who refuses to adopt…