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Did you know that there’s now an entire cookbook showing you how to make intensely complicated cupcakes? The type of cupcake that takes four hours to construct and could topple into a complete mess the minute a strong wind blows. The kind of cupcake that bakeries charge $100 a dozen for, but everyone still knows that they aren’t homemade because they are just a little too perfect.
Those obnoxiously awesome cupcakes are the bane of a busy mom’s existence. I don’t understand how any woman who sleeps more than three hours a night has the time to make those damn baked goods. Please someone tell me who has the energy or opportunity to make sharks, penguins, puppies or three course meals out of cupcakes.
You find that mom and I’ll tell her, “Dear Super, No-Sleeping, Over-Achieving Mother, I’m sorry that I feel the need to dislike you simply based on your dedication to confectioners sugar. But you’re making mere mortals look bad and I think you know that. You have to be aware that everytime your child has a birthday, the rest of us glare at you and your boatload of Tupperware with disdain.”
It’s not that I’m jealous of drawers full of icing decorating tools. I’m not even sure that I’d want to hand out adorable panda-shaped deserts, but only because it would set the bar for all future birthday treats impossibly high. I mean, even if I could manage one of these recipes, there wouldn’t be a repeat act. The stars would not align to give me a random four spare hours to bake more than once per decade.
Listen, your lion cupcakes are showy. They’re like an on-side kick when your up by 14, I’m looking at you Green Bay. They’re like wearing a fur to a Fourth of July barbecue simply because you have it laying around. Those birthday treats are a slap in the face to moms who are struggling to get their kids dressed in the morning, get their families dinner at night and maybe get a load of laundry done.
I know that you’re trying to make your child’s birthday special. I mean, I get that. But kids don’t care if you slave over icing appliques for hours. It’s sugar! Dress it up anyway you want to, but they’re going to be happy with the outcome. Throw a Pixar character’s figurine on a couple of baked goods and you’re going to be everyone’s favorite mom until the next birthday comes around.
So let’s cool it with the Ace of Cakes competition, can we? Let’s fall back into simpler times, when simply providing a birthday snack, any birthday snack, was enough. Let’s put away Hello Cupcake and step away from the fondant. Please, for my sanity and the sanity of every mother out there who has to stop at the grocery store bakery at 6am to get their child’s birthday treat for daycare. Wipe that powdered sugar off your cheek, it’s going to be okay.
Has everyone forgotten how to laugh? Just once in a while? Do we need to be so serious and take everything so damn personal all the time? Humor, people, it’s free, get some.
195 days ago
[...] here’s the deal. We moms pretend to be all fabulous and superhero-like – at least some of us do – but all of us take major shortcuts when it comes to traveling [...]
Were you feeling a trifle PMS-y when you wrote this? Some people bake as a hobby, just like others garden or knit or play tennis or whatever. I have a black thumb, can’t knit anything more complicated than a scarf, and am a terrible tennis player. If I want to bake some cute cupcakes that will make my kids happy, why do you care?
This site needs a better proofreader. ‘Every time’ should be two words, not one (“You have to be aware that everytime your child…”), cupcakes are desserts, not deserts (“panda-shaped deserts”), and you used your when you should have used you’re (“They’re like an on-side kick when your up by 14″). Also, you used ‘anyway’ when you should have made that two words as well (“Dress it up anyway you want to”). Combine these errors with the overall snotty tone of the article, and it’s really hard for me to take you seriously.
Are people really this sensitive about cupcakes!? I have the same sentiment towards moms who scrapbook! And using the term “scrapbook” as a verb makes me cringe! I am sure they are all lovely people, but their talents and hobbies make me feel jealous and lazy. There, I said it.
Then you are the one with the issue not the scrap book and baking crowd. I do neither (though I am a digital artist) and I have no problem with people who do. To feel jealous and lazy over someones skill is your issue. To point the finger at someones talent for your own self esteem issues is petty and very “high school”.
If I have to look at one more photo album of a tray of cupcakes on facebook I will lose my frickin mind.
Wow – I thought it was funny. I didn’t think about it being offensive to the cupcake-talented, just funny to those of us who are not so talented. I guess I have a lot to learn about the mommy wars.
Whoa. So much hate. Guessing you meant it to be nonchalant and snarky, but it comes off small and mean spirited. Mommy wars indeed.
I agree that this article is a bit snarky. I do what I do because it makes me happy and my family LOVES having cute cupcakes for special occasions. People call me Martha Stewart (minus the prison time) and I’m cool with that. I’m good at sewing and baking and cooking, it’s my thing. It’s all about time management, really, you’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish if you do what you’re passionate about.
Ohhh, my cupcakes are cooled and ready to be piped with frosting to look like beehives and my little M&M honeybees are ready to be placed on them…for my awesome step-dad for our 11 year anniversary of being adopted by him. He’s a beekeeper.
I do what I do for anyone who’ll appreciate it, not just the kids.
Wow, I don’t think I’ve read such a sad little snarky mom rant in a long while! Sounds like someone has some issues they need to work out.
I don’t bake creative cakes or cupcakes to one-up anybody else. I do it because I enjoy it, I’m good at it, because my family enjoys it, and it’s a family tradition of sorts. Deal!
Might I add, I’m tired of this “super mom” whining crap. My great grandmother had 6 children, was a school teacher, helped run a farm, baked, canned preserves from her farm, sewed clothes, washed them by hand, spun and wove fabric, survived the Depression, and still raised a beautiful family, and lived to an old age.
When I feel a bit overwhelmed in these modern times, I think about her. THAT is a “super mom.” Whining about how long it takes to make home made cupcakes and the moms who choose to do so? That’s a first world problem, for sure.
AMEN! My grandmother was widowed with a baby and a farm. She survived and thrived to 103 years of age. Crazy-Busy moms of today have nothing on her!
Wow. Hello Snarky.
Why knock people down for being creative? Anyways, I think it’s far better to show kids that you can create wonderful things yourself that are much cheaper than what can be bought (like both my amazing, working parents taught me) than to teach them to be suspect and critical of anyone with a talent.
Hey, I make the fancy cupcakes because it’s the only thing I *can* do…I certainly can’t manage to keep the house clean or my husband’s work uniform washed, or a perfect three course meal on the table every night…but when it comes to going all out for a special occasion, I would like to use my decorating skills (learned at the side of my own mother, who was much the same way) to at least make an attempt at looking like I have my act together. Fake it until you make it? Or, you know, make sure my daughter knows that her mommy may not be Suzy Homemaker *every day* but she’s willing to stay up all night when she has specifically asked for birthday cupcakes that look like pandas, or owls, or bunnies, or puppies, or whatever!
Lindsay: I get what you are saying here, but I think you are oversimplifying. There are definitely parents who spend hours baking and decorating perfect cupcakes (or buying them from the store for huge wads of $$) simply because they think it somehow makes them better and they are trying to show off. But, there are also plenty of moms and dads (myself included) who like doing stuff like that. And generally, when I bake, my daughter is in the kitchen next to me, measuring and mixing. And while she hasn’t yet mastered the use of an icing bag, she sure does love filling it and decorating cupcakes in her own way. I personally find it fun and will usually work on the really intricate designs when my daughter is in bed. It’s like someone who paints or knits or pursues any other artistic venture. It’s a fun way to unwind that keeps my mind going.
That sounds kind of like my mom. She didn’t go crazy with the decorations – our cupcakes were just regular cupcakes, albeit in ice cream cones and decorated to look like ice cream – but she’s always been creative (her Easter eggs are awesome!) and she likes to bake. And she paints the house and varnishes the cabinets and puts down flooring and knits us mittens and sewed our prom dresses. My best friend’s mom always laughed and called her Suzy Homemaker, not for regular moms to be compared to, but honestly? She does it because she’s creative and frugal. I’m sure some people do that sort of thing to show off, but most of them probably just like it.
“They’re like an on-side kick when your up by 14″ … by which you mean, “when YOU’RE up by 14″.
Less ranging against fancy cupcakes and more focus on basic grammar.
My thought, exactly. Glad I’m not the only one to catch that.
This might be bad, too, but honestly I judge stay at home moms who are on facebook all day, complaining about being bored, then they feed their children fishsticks or kraft dinner all the time. I think if moms choose to stay at home with their children they should be making an effort to feed them well, teach them things, and yeah, make fancy cupcakes for their events if they want. We should try to encourage these moms to take an active role in their life.
And, moms, if you do make these kinds of cupcakes just don’t be a jerk about it. It’s not that amazing.
Thank you for the late night laugh! I can’t imagine what you might say if you saw my children’s birthday parties. We go well beyond fancy cupcakes. Cheers to all the moms who have a passion for baking and party planning!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who disliked this article. The author claims there’s no jealousy but I beg to differ. I don’t bake fancy cupcakes but I would admire someone who does. Unless that person is arrogant about their talent, it’s appalling and ridiculous to dislike them just for making pretty cupcakes. It does not make someone a “supermom”, nor does it mean sleeping less than “three hours a night.” I realize there are jobs out there that require long hours and little time off. But my guess is that a mother who does make fancy cupcakes probably HAS TIME to do it, and ENJOYS IT.
Like someone else said, get over yourself!
Seriously get over yourself. I agree with many others on here. You come off High and mighty and to scoff at someone’s talent who spent hours on something is rude. You should like you have self esteem issues that have nothing to do with cupcakes. I can’t bake or cook for crap but I enjoy those who have the talent to do so and then add some creativity to it is amazing.
This article came off as rather snotty to me but that may be because my mom loves baking cupcakes like the ones you scoffed at. For her, baking is a treat and she really enjoys experimenting with different techniques when she has time. There’s nothing wrong with baking and making “fancy” cupcakes and if you’re so offended by it you need to sort out your priorities and just enjoy the cupcake!
AGREED!
Sorry Lindsay, but I have to agree. This article comes across rather snotty. The points the previous commenters made crossed my mind as well when I read your article.
It’s far more likely that the people who take the time to create ‘designer’ cupcakes are doing it because they truly have fun with it, not because they are trying to show you up.
Thank goodness someone finally said it! After one tedious attempt at cakepops, I decided that time was much better spent with my kids!
I realize its meant to be humerous, but I also find the article somewhat offensive. Clearly for someone who makes “designer” cupcakes, this would fall under the cateogry of a hobby or talent for them. And to rip on it because you think its trivial and do not possess the same skills is wrong. Everyone has things they are good at. I’m good at fashion. Should I not wear cute outfits with heels because it makes the other moms feel shlubby for not taking the same effort?
And you are wrong to say the kids don’t care about the designer cupcakes, they just want the sugar. I’ve seen many kids delight in the fun and beauty of artistic/designer confections.
And then you imply these mommies are somehow unhinged or not right in the head. (“Wipe that powdered sugar off your cheek, its going to be okay”) WTH?
I found this article quite rude…some of us enjoy baking and cake/cupcake decorating. It’s fun, and many of the recipes in that cookbook are pretty easy – your kids can even help out!
Don’t listen to this article. Keep up your passion for baking
! I for one can’t bake or cook but appreciate those who can. I love it when people making them fancy like this! I think it is the artist in me that likes them.
I’m a working mom and I love to bake and decorate cakes. It is just something I enjoy. And I enjoy doing it for my nieces and nephews, too. I don’t care in the least if my cupcakes look fancier than so-and-sos. I know some moms probably want to instill some envy, but not me personally. I’ve found a great passion in baking and decorating – I wish I could have gone to school for it. Just giving another perspective.
218 days ago
[...] 4. “Dear Super Mom, I can’t stand you or your fancy, homemade cupcakes.” [...]